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Teen Poetry #5
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paint
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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paint |
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layla Member
since 2000-11-19
Posts 74 |
Paint a picture of a girl with peircing eyes make it so you wont forget her even if you only see it one time add stones in the background and dead bodies on the floor don't forget the f 16's that killed them in this hell of a war Paint the sky gray as if it was about to thunder as if the world was going to flip and suddenly go under paint what is left of this run-down land show what happens when the oppressed take a stand Paint their beacon- the star on a feild of blue and white and paint with it the blood shed it has caused so many lives Paint one of the millions of mothers who has lost their sons husbands and brothers Oh paint this girl who has been raped a million times frame it on a wall And call her Palestine |
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| © Copyright 2002 layla - All Rights Reserved | |||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
This is a true gem. You took a scene of war and gave it a bleak, hopeless image. Then, you took imperative form and described some kind of solution as bringing colour into it all. "Paint," as in "observe?" Or, "remember?" That's what I was seeing... I think the ending was extremely well thought-through. Great work. Parasite |
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paper doll Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133Floating on Uncertainty |
Jeez...this is a hard hitting piece about such a controversial topic. You've kept up the flow and intensity throughout the entire piece and didn't manage to lose it once. Very nice imagery happening here. Loved the ending as well. Be proud of this. Thanks for sharing it. ~M Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality. |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
It's rare that I truely enjoy reading a poem that I come across here. (Not that my poems are anything spectacular.) I thought it was very, very interesting how you put this piece together. There was also a lot of power and impact in this poem, which I always like. Thank you for posting this. I'm married to Mr.Metaphor. We make love everyday. |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Layla, this is a singularly thoughtful and powerful write. A strong stand, well versed. I'm impressed. ~wranx The shortest distance between two points... |
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LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
Wow, I felt as though you punched me with that last line. I really like it, and I thought that you expressed yourself well....wow that last line, I don't know why but...wow! I loved it ~lisa |
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layla Member
since 2000-11-19
Posts 74 |
I am glad you all liked it, I did spend a lot of time on this poem, and i am very proud of it. Thanks for your kind comments |
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