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Teen Poetry #5
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going away
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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going away |
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anya Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393London, UK |
So, your going away to the Far South Land, I hope I didn't do anything to make you wanna go so far you say it's just that the rain is getting you down some I always knew a flower like you would bloom brighter in the sun I worry that you won't be at peace there but secretly know that a smile like yours transcends hemispheres but you now need to know not everyones intentions are as good as yours not everyone keeps that six year old innocence I wish we were back being eight years old when being apart seemed only a half truth that was too far in the future to be real and watcing you leave is becoming too much It's making me feel so alone knowing soon we will be staring up at different skies |
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| © Copyright 2002 Anne Hegarty - All Rights Reserved | |||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
You did a great job here of dodging cliches. A lot of your word usage and phrasing is good and original. I like everything about this poem except its length. It's too short, and the ending is too abrupt. Unless that's what you meant to do... Either way, good write.  Parasite |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
I actually like that it's short. It's hard for me to stay focused on a poem that is long... sometimes even if it is a great poem. So kudos on not being long-winded. You always seem to have a creative way of expressing yourself in your poems. As Parasite said before, you seem to stay away from cliches very well. Which is always refreshing. I'm married to Mr.Metaphor. We make love everyday. |
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paper doll Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133Floating on Uncertainty |
I liked your closing line. It's sincere yet strong, a nice sort of closure. You've done a nice job with this, anya. Be proud. Thanks for sharing it. ~M Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality. |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
Becoming a fan here you have such a great poetic view and voice I love it |
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