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Teen Poetry #5

With Your Voice

StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

0 posted 2002-08-09 10:53 PM

You've sung me to sleep so often,
Like a guardian angel,
Making sure I'm safe and sound,
I close my eyes,
With your voice echoing through my mind,
It's as if you're here with me,
With your mouth close to my ear,
Singing softly to only me,
I can almost feel your breath,
Ever so slightly on the crook of my neck,
In this peaceful moment,
I drift into dreamland,
With your voice echoing through my mind.

Just something I wrote when I was listening to music late at nigh. Thanks for reading

*~erin~*

"You say the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past."-Something Corporate

Helium Balloon
New Member

since 2002-06-18

Posts 8
MB Cannada

1 posted 2002-08-09 11:04 PM

a soothing poem, for some soothing music maybe? i dunno, but i like it

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-08-09 11:22 PM

I love writing to music.

It's very good for your tone.

I can see the tone in this poem is very defined, which confirms my theory! Mwaha!

Anyways...

I do like the description in this poem. If I was you, I would have focused more on the narrator physically in terms of description... describing physical changes and using them to contrast to the emotional events you discuss. Just a thought.

Great poem, nonetheless.

Parasite

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