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Teen Poetry #5

Once Again

Dustin462
Junior Member

since 2002-08-09

Posts 23
Selah, WA

0 posted 2002-08-09 07:32 PM

You walk out onto the dock
look down at the water and notice it is beautiful
It is so pure and clean
You want to dive in
You jump in
And forget you don't know how to swim
You start to suffocate
Your arm is extended up hoping to be saved
You wonder what is going to happen
Your mind is starting to go black
You can't think any longer
Then a hand reaches down
And pulls you out
It belongs to your family
You know your loved
Now that you have been saved

10 years later

You walk down the alley
Look over at your friend who brought you here
He used to be the best of friends
but now he has changed
You want to be like him
So you also buy the drugs
Then you forget who you are
You lose all of your (real) friends
You know you are now addicted
You want help but no one is there
Then a hand reaches out
You reach for that hand
It belongs to your family
And once again you are saved

Dustin

[This message has been edited by Dustin462 (08-10-2002 07:59 PM).]

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

1 posted 2002-08-09 08:37 PM

I really liked this.  Sometimes you forget that your family is there to help you.  Nice write.

Something to work on though...  Your flow is pretty good, but in some spots it gets a lil messed up.  One spot is right here...:

Your arm is extended up hoping to be saved
And you are saved

That just doesn't seem to flow very well...  Maybe word it a little bit different.

Anyway, keep posting!

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

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