Teen Poetry #5 |
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you remind me of it everyday |
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anya Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393London, UK |
As the cliche says love is a lottery well, i sure as hell lost when i got you but i still don't have the strength to tear up my ticket what makes it worse what keeps me here under this raincloud is that you did indeed change for me you remind me of it everyday the wildness is gone but now nothing is left but spite in those ever so pretty eyes you hurt me in a different way you say the things you know will cut deepest you've taken away my only escape route and yet everything tells me life can't go on like this either I find the strength to leave this darkness or you'll grind me down till theres nothing left of me to see and right now I can't see a place away from you where i can just...be i know this isn't tecniquly very good but hey today i just needed to vent my feelings |
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© Copyright 2002 Anne Hegarty - All Rights Reserved | |||
anya Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393London, UK |
the last line isn't part of the poem was just a quick note but seems to have attached itself to the end of the poem |
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LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
Good job, I love this part- what makes it worse what keeps me here under this raincloud is that you did indeed change for me Rarely does a poem speak of how someone did change for them....I love it ~lisa |
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Cinderelly Member
since 2001-12-31
Posts 189NM, USA |
I really like this poem, especially the below section: As the cliche says love is a lottery well, i sure as hell lost when i got you but i still don't have the strength to tear up my ticket Great poem! ![]() Life is a moderately good play w/ a badly written thrid act. - Unknown |
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Skyfire![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
"but now nothing is left but spite in those ever so pretty eyes" Awesome line here. I know it well, but never heard it described like this ![]() |
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Kevin![]()
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
anya you have so much talent I know your critique flag isnt up so I wont say much but if you could just cut the fat off this you would have one delicious steak dinner...oh jeez im stuck in a metaphor again someone help me |
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anya Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393London, UK |
any suggestions would be welcome i just never got around to putting that critique flag up, i knew this one was a bit wordy but i am crap at cutting anything out of my own poetry anya |
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Savage Quiescence Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326Wandering |
This is very good work. Maybe shortening it and organizing it would make it easier to read. But just be careful to not cut out anything that really expresses your emotion. ~Sky |
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