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Teen Poetry #5
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Crushed
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Crushed |
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Cinderelly Member
since 2001-12-31
Posts 189NM, USA |
A crush can last forever, but so can a broken heart. A stream of un-ending tears, a dream that will never come true, you'll never get the clue. The lyrics of a song about sadness and heartache, feel like deja vu. A wish upon a star, I wish for you. As said before, a crush can last forever, but exists only with a heart so blue. + Suggestions? I wrote this a couple of years ago and just found it . . . What do you think? + |
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| © Copyright 2002 Jamie - All Rights Reserved | |||
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
great rhyming scheme I believe it should be "crushed" though but still an appreciated read thanks là où est mon amour? |
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IKNAP Junior Member
since 2002-05-19
Posts 47Torrington, Connecticut |
wow i dont know what to say!! thank you i guess for starters... that poem is exactly my feelings. it is what i have been trying to say all along. you finaly took the words i have been trying to say and said them THANK YOU SO MUCH "The Fat Man Walks Alone" |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I like it... I feel that it might flow better if the second stanza were somehow turned into two lines instead of three, but that's just my opinion. It's good the way it is too  |
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anya Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393London, UK |
if i was you i wouldn't touch this one I think it works great just the way it is, really liked it thankyou anya |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
The lyrics of a song about sadness and heartache, feel like deja vu. Love that line |
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Savage Quiescence Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326Wandering |
I really like this one, too. I would suggest leaving it alone. My fave line was.. "A wish upon a star, I wish for you." Very sweet... ~Sky |
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