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dastard
Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 55
in tearing silence

0 posted 2001-07-15 07:14 AM

Let's be friends
best friend forever
never apart
just not together

You're the one
to make me smile,
but beneath
a fake, denial

You're more to me
your touch could heal
you don't, it hurts, denie to feel

So the play goes on,
but what's my clue?
it's just to say that I love you

[Sorry for that "poem"]

TearsOfPearls
Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa

1 posted 2001-07-15 09:11 AM

Welcome to passions, and I like your first post.

I like to see poetry just as art works, and for each person that looks at that art work, there is a different meaning behind the use of the colour, and the use of line, a different meaning according to what is happening to them in their lives. The same with poetry...it speeks differently to different ppl...and I love this poem.

Keep on writing

Planning big can be a gamble...I have already rolled the dice!

JBaker515

Member

since 2001-02-28

Posts 458
Dartmouth College

2 posted 2001-07-15 09:21 AM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS DASTARD!!

This was a short and simple first post, it was good. I liked it. The ryhtme scheme was a little wierd, and was choppy at some points, but you could fix that if you wanted to!!

I am happy that you are hear with all of us, make sure you read a lot of work, you will be impressed with the amount of amazing poets we have here

See ya soon

~Jeff~

"Within you I lose myself
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again."

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

3 posted 2001-07-15 10:41 AM

Welcome to Passions!

Why apologise for a poem? You should never do that. You post it for recognition so you should be happy with what you write.
You might want to be consistant with your stanzas. It's handy if you start out with 4 lines and keep it all the way through.
Thanks for sharing this and I look forward to more.

~AF~

Psychopathic chickens are plotting against me...

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

4 posted 2001-07-15 05:28 PM

WELCOME TO PIP!

There is never a "bad try' at poetry. Be proud of yoru work. I thought you did a nice job.

I hope you continue to post.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-07-16 03:42 AM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!
hey!...one question though...whats a Dastard?..

...but yea..i think you did fine and this was a very nice poem...hope to see you read,share and reply more, Dastard?

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

dastard
Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 55
in tearing silence

6 posted 2001-07-16 09:44 AM

Thanks to all of you for your replies!

I'm happy that your replies were all in all positive and didn't smash my last self-confidence. There won't be a "overflow" of my stuff, don't be afraid, I'm not writing TOO often.

to you, anonymous albert: my dictionary told me a dastard was something simelar to a coward or stuff

Q: Why the hell does you use a dictionary?
A: Look for my f**king homecountry!

"Let me light my lamp, says the star and doesn't ask for long, if it helps to remove the darkness"
~free translation, Honey

Feel free to also write critiques about my English!

[This message has been edited by dastard (edited 07-18-2001).]

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

7 posted 2001-07-16 11:50 AM

Welcome to Passions. This was a wonderful poem. I look forward to seeing more of your poetry. (Please check your email for a special greeting.)

HeavensTears~Moderator/Passions in Poetry

Hill's_Chatabox
Junior Member

since 2001-07-10

Posts 46
USA

8 posted 2001-07-16 01:49 PM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!

I liked your first post!!! hope you enjoy it here...... Hope to see you post more.
~Hillary~

Shoot for the moon cause if you miss you'll still end up in the *stars*!!!

Don't tell me that you love me unless you mean it, Beacuse I might do so

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

9 posted 2001-07-16 08:43 PM

This was no bad try. This is a very well written poem. I especially liked the last stanza. This was a good first post. I really enjoyed it.

Welcome to Passions in Poetry!!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning...

LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

10 posted 2001-07-16 11:41 PM

Hey, welcome to passions!

i thought this was really good. it was sweet. i also have to ask why you would apologize for this poem, you wrote what you felt and by apologizing for it, you are apologizing for feeling, one thing that makes poems so great, the feeling put in them, just my opinion anyways.again i thougth this was great and i hope to see more from you SOON.

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

11 posted 2001-07-16 11:50 PM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!!!!!!!

I liked the first post! I cant wait to see more from you and i hope you like it here as much as the rest of us do! WELCOME AGAIN!

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

12 posted 2001-07-17 03:03 AM

You're more to me
your touch could heal
you don't, it hurts, denie to
oh i love this first post!! *bonks the germans head for thinking it was a "bad try"*...

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!

hope to be reading more from you!!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

13 posted 2001-07-19 04:32 AM

Welcome to Passions! I enjoyed this first poem of yours! Well done and I hope to see more of your work in the future!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

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