Teen Poetry #5 |
"Reaction Time" |
chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
A word within rhythm, lost within rhyme Taken with care, yet faded in time Cold and unwilling, mild and meek Whatever the feeling, it's you that I seek. Penned and then pencilled, strokes within lines Watching and waiting for some kind of sign As memory fades and experience beckons A story unfolds in a matter of seconds. Crumbled and worn, then thrown in the fire Crackling 'til dawn when the sunlight inspires The mind and the eye, which ever comes first What you don't really know is that this rhyme is cursed. + + + + + WHA-HA!!! GOTCHA! Wow, haven't posted in a while. Been having trouble lately with the whole poetry-ness, hence the vocab and rhyme scheme. But it doesn't matter, cuz I'M PUBLISHED!!! WOO! Ugh. x_X Anyway, nifti. I'll be back later with something worse. ~_^ -Leah- |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
you're -published- ???!!! le~ah!!! thats great.... give me /more/ info chica. (msn or email or somthing dangit!) :p and hey dorkO, you've never sucked in your life *poke* so dont go sayin you do, or ill have to beatcha up ya hear? oO never noticed your critique message before.. *likes it* anyway, the poem itself flowed -very- nicely. and yes yes rhymin was good, you never seem to have trouble with that unlike us sucky ppl where it always seems as if we -force- it. which is Not a good thing, yesh. so, all in all you did a good job on this lil lesson on rhymin and wordin. :p wub ya leah dear *peck* “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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paper doll Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133Floating on Uncertainty |
That last line comes straight out of nowhere! Wonderful! Excellent meter all the way through, you didn't skip a beat. Well done. The overall content of the piece is alright, not exactly my cup of tea but executed brilliantly nonetheless. Be proud for being published is a job well done in itself. I can see why they'd do such a thing. ~M Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality. |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
I can't help but laugh at that last line, it was a bit of a suprise, the rest of the poem was wonderfully executed though, a great read at the end of a long day oh and congratulations on getting published Andrew "If you are afraid of wolves, stay out of the woods" |
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