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Teen Poetry #5
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Skyfire
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Riding

0 posted 2002-08-02 02:01 AM



I'm stuck and it hurts
Halfway between contentment and heartbreak
It's my fault that you're feeling this way,
   but I just can't...
not right now.
I wish it were easy
I wish you would find peace
   I wish this didn't have to happen
I still feel pain
I still feel love
My only freedom now comes when I ride
I can focus on my horse and nothing else
I think, I feel, I hurt.

I'm sorry; I didn't want to have to do it.
    you know my reasoning
  my painful breaking of what once was
My tearing asunder of your heart and your life
Feel free to blame me, I blame myself.

I'm sorry

© Copyright 2002 Rhonda Adolph - All Rights Reserved
Chel2082
Junior Member
since 2002-07-23
Posts 40
Baltimore, MD
1 posted 2002-08-02 08:45 AM


This piece was sad to read.  It was a good piece that I could relate to even if I didn't want to.  I don't like to hurt ppl but it seems as though I end up feeling the hurt worse.  Keep up the good work...I would love to read more.

<3 Chel

With GOD all things are possible...<3 CHEL

LCBS
Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532
Connecticut
2 posted 2002-08-02 08:57 AM


Rhonda, Rhonda, Rhonda....you haven't been on lately...we need to talk~ The poem is good, not your best, but I like it.  I think that you should get online and we should talk about this!

~Lisa

Jenn Cirrincione
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Fl
3 posted 2002-08-02 02:57 PM


This situation really sucks.
I've so totally been there.
It'll get better.
Great emotion here...

Jenn

Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving?

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258
meet Morgana
4 posted 2002-08-02 05:07 PM


The spacing in the lines added to the kind of off balance, pained feel of the poem. Or at least in my opinion it did. I thought that it was kind of lacking in power, yet that just feeds the desparation of the poem. It's kind of like.. you're at you end and you're just too damn worn out from your emotions to care. So over all.. 'twas good. I'm on and off going through this with my boyfriend. Stupid freakin' relationships.

"if you know me so well then tell me which hand do I use?" Tori Amos

PoetryIsLife
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since 2001-10-27
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...in my boxers...
5 posted 2002-08-02 10:18 PM


*pokes Rhonda*

Good write, Rhonda. I'll talk to you tonight, girl.

Sincerely,
Titus

"They say that a hero can save us. I'm not gonna stand here and wait..."

                  -Chad Kroger

punkrockerrobin
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Sparks, NV
6 posted 2002-08-03 02:25 AM


girl you better climb out of that pit before i drag you out!! i need my tinkerbell hahaha!

http://cgi6.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=hardcorerobin&include=0&since=-1&sort=3&rows=25

paper doll
Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty
7 posted 2002-08-04 08:02 AM


I think that this could really gain some extra strength with more pauses. There is a lot of pain coming through (sorry to see) but to make it really strong (sorry again) more breaks and HTML could make it pop out. For example,

I wish it were easy
I wish you would find peace
   I wish this didn't have to happen
I still feel pain
I still feel love
My only freedom now comes when I ride
I can focus on my horse and nothing else

I think, I feel, I hurt.

The I think, I feel, I hurt. line is very important in the piece as it really emphasises just where you are in your emotions so it should be pointed out.

Other than that I enjoyed it. Thank you for the read.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

Marshalzu
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Lurking
8 posted 2002-08-04 05:21 PM


A very interesting read, nice to see you writing again

Andrew

"If you are afraid of wolves, stay out of the woods"

J.V. Stalin

Skyfire
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9 posted 2002-08-05 01:48 AM


Chel - I know what you mean about not liking to hurt ppl, and usually the "ender" does end up feeling worse, eh?

Lisa - We will talk about it. I need someone to talk to.

Jenn - Thanks!

Jaime - You pegged it right on. Thanks for defining it for ME, even lol!

Titus - Well, we would have talked about it, but we got talking about something else, lmao!

Robin - I'm trying to get out of the pit, chicly, I really am. Your Tinkerbell is always there for ya (oh my, that didn't sound quite right...)

Paperdoll - I like what you did with this. I really like what you did with this.

Andrew - Thanks; it's nice to be writing again

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