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I'm Stuck
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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I'm Stuck |
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Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding 
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I'm stuck and it hurts Halfway between contentment and heartbreak It's my fault that you're feeling this way, but I just can't... not right now. I wish it were easy I wish you would find peace I wish this didn't have to happen I still feel pain I still feel love My only freedom now comes when I ride I can focus on my horse and nothing else I think, I feel, I hurt. I'm sorry; I didn't want to have to do it. you know my reasoning my painful breaking of what once was My tearing asunder of your heart and your life Feel free to blame me, I blame myself. I'm sorry |
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| © Copyright 2002 Rhonda Adolph - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Chel2082 Junior Member
since 2002-07-23
Posts 40Baltimore, MD |
This piece was sad to read. It was a good piece that I could relate to even if I didn't want to. I don't like to hurt ppl but it seems as though I end up feeling the hurt worse. Keep up the good work...I would love to read more. <3 Chel With GOD all things are possible...<3 CHEL |
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LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
Rhonda, Rhonda, Rhonda....you haven't been on lately...we need to talk~ The poem is good, not your best, but I like it. I think that you should get online and we should talk about this! ~Lisa |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
This situation really sucks. I've so totally been there. It'll get better.  Great emotion here... Jenn Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving? |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
The spacing in the lines added to the kind of off balance, pained feel of the poem. Or at least in my opinion it did. I thought that it was kind of lacking in power, yet that just feeds the desparation of the poem. It's kind of like.. you're at you end and you're just too damn worn out from your emotions to care. So over all.. 'twas good. I'm on and off going through this with my boyfriend. Stupid freakin' relationships. "if you know me so well then tell me which hand do I use?" Tori Amos |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
*pokes Rhonda* Good write, Rhonda. I'll talk to you tonight, girl. Sincerely, Titus "They say that a hero can save us. I'm not gonna stand here and wait..." |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
girl you better climb out of that pit before i drag you out!! i need my tinkerbell hahaha! |
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paper doll Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133Floating on Uncertainty |
I think that this could really gain some extra strength with more pauses. There is a lot of pain coming through (sorry to see) but to make it really strong (sorry again) more breaks and HTML could make it pop out. For example, I wish it were easy I wish you would find peace I wish this didn't have to happen I still feel pain I still feel love My only freedom now comes when I ride I can focus on my horse and nothing else I think, I feel, I hurt. The I think, I feel, I hurt. line is very important in the piece as it really emphasises just where you are in your emotions so it should be pointed out. Other than that I enjoyed it. Thank you for the read. ~M Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality. |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
A very interesting read, nice to see you writing again Andrew "If you are afraid of wolves, stay out of the woods" |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Chel - I know what you mean about not liking to hurt ppl, and usually the "ender" does end up feeling worse, eh? Lisa - We will talk about it. I need someone to talk to. Jenn - Thanks! Jaime - You pegged it right on. Thanks for defining it for ME, even lol! Titus - Well, we would have talked about it, but we got talking about something else, lmao! Robin - I'm trying to get out of the pit, chicly, I really am. Your Tinkerbell is always there for ya (oh my, that didn't sound quite right...) Paperdoll - I like what you did with this. I really like what you did with this. Andrew - Thanks; it's nice to be writing again |
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