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Teen Poetry #5

Moonlit Night

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 2002-07-30 06:22 PM

The game is ending.
It's going to be over
soon.
And now, He has a chance to run the table.
Behind the cue-ball of the moon,
Almighty's aiming for the eight-ball.

Check out my poetry here:

http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master

clve527
Member

since 2002-07-08

Posts 200

1 posted 2002-07-30 08:16 PM

This is an interesting piece, BUT I really stumbled on the soon. I can see with your rhyme scheme that you want it on the next line, but it really does more harm than good I think. Good topic though.

Casey

If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see...

MIdsummerRain
Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 175
St. Louis, Missouri

2 posted 2002-07-31 04:03 AM

Intersting Structure; The only part that puzzles me is the last line . . . There seems to be somthing missing ~Rayne

One day Men will look back & say
that I gave birth to the 20th Century

Jack the Ripper ~1888

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

3 posted 2002-08-01 09:06 PM

Master-
I really like this one.
Much enjoyed reading it.
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

4 posted 2002-08-02 01:00 AM

Very interesting concept. One of the more creative ones ive read

GOod work! looking forward to more!
K

The day you were born, you were born free
That is your privilege.

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