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quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

0 posted 2002-07-15 09:37 PM

The cold gushes
        p                r
      u              a      o
nI         and                u
                     .      n
                         d

Seventy degrees
and I grab
for       my slippers.

The sun rises
higher/brighter/hotter.

dog's bark is
Strangled by the
Heat.
His dalmation
spotsmeltingtogether.
Panting [gasping?]

How high has the
mercury climbed
on the
other side of the window pane?

Sixty eight degrees -
I nestle my toes
deeper, InTo that
fuzzy black cocoon.
A blanket would be nice...

whimper
    whimper

nomorewaterinthebowl.

Why have they left
him      alone?
It's a 'scorcher of a day'
[or so the weatherman would say]

when the air's too heavy
to take even the sweat
off the back of
your neck.

[a loaded shotgun]

Sixty six degrees.
I should really Stop!
playing with
the thermostat.

It's a little too cold in here.
--------------

thoughts?  criticism?

anything?

/jen/

so foul and fair a day i have not seen.  - macbeth act 1, scene 3

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (07-15-2002 09:57 PM).]

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

1 posted 2002-07-15 10:21 PM

I like this... i don't know if its becuase of the very freestyle structure . which highlihts the contrasts really well... i think it's a really good piece.
Allie

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

2 posted 2002-07-15 10:50 PM

Okay, I officially hate you.

Not really, but I wish I could. I envy you, how bout that? I wish I could write like that. I always like your poems a lot, but I guess just because its been so long since I read one I forgot how much I like them. I don't how much was intended in this poem by you, but it doesn't really matter.. I got a lot from it. I love your style. Don't ever change. (Unless you really want to.)

- me

"I think I would like to call myself 'the girl who wanted to be God'." Sylvia Plath

StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

3 posted 2002-07-15 11:36 PM

i liked this alot it was very well written and it seemed to have no boundaries and i like that...It was just great! Good job!

*~erin~*

"Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side."-incubus

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

4 posted 2002-07-20 08:46 AM

jen,

picutre a wildly jealous pretentious poet wannabe, eyes wide, mouth drooling like an idiot, gushing to find suitable words to express his adoration for this piece..

that would be me...i wish i had written this...though there are certain parts i didn't understand..do you mind if i ask you some pesky questions??

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

5 posted 2002-07-20 01:49 PM

ask away.

/jen/

so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3

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