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Hallucination
Member

since 2001-03-18

Posts 419

0 posted 2002-07-15 04:28 PM

"Little Jessie"
© 2002 Brian Eggertsen, All Rights Reserved

Little Jessie draws a picture
in the corner by her cradle,
that looks somewhat like the photo
of her dad upon her table.
She can't wait for him to show up
a whole weekend just them alone,
time goes by and no word from dad
but Jessie still waits by the phone.

With sadness in her young child voice
and tears stuck in her big green eyes,
little Jessie says to her mom
"he'll never come it's all a lie".
Jessie runs back to her cradle
while mom shouts "No he'll be here soon",
she smashed the photo of him and
pops all their sunday stroll balloons.

Oh...Little Jessie crying is the saddest serenade,
That I ever heard in my intire life.
Little Jessie wolrd's painted with only black and gray shades,
her pallets gone and her brushes cut like knifes.
Little Jessie's cry...crying tonight.

Little Jessie's in her cradle
her mother's singing her to sleep,
trying to make her feel better
but she can't stop the tears she weep.
Her mother says: "Little Jessie
please listen to this lullaby,
try to forget this awefull day
Jessie I'll stay right by your side...

Oh...Little Jessie crying is the saddest serenade,
That I ever heard in my intire life.
Little Jessie wolrd's painted with only black and gray shades,
'cause her pallets gone and brushes cut like knifes.
Little Jessie's cry...crying tonight.

Little Jessie's crying to...night!

[This message has been edited by Hallucination (07-15-2002 04:31 PM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2002-07-20 07:31 AM

Brian...once again, you've written the sad song...it will be nice to one day say...we knew him when...

Small nit with me is spelling. I know we are sometimes so eager to get our work out there to share, we overlook some of the finer points...but! When the spelling is right and the grammar is correct, you take out the speed bumps for someone reading your work. If I had a suggestion to make towards your work, that would be one of the things I would like to see you work on. Hope you don't mind my two cents...

thanks for all of the wonderful reading you give to us!

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (07-20-2002 07:33 AM).]

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

2 posted 2002-07-21 11:39 AM

I loved the way you have developed your poems. It potrays a picture infront of my eyes. I found couple of misspelled words.

*****
awefull

intire
******
Greatpoem.

Ronil (A mask for everyday. Imagine a life without them.)

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