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Teen Poetry #5
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Paul
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Paul |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Think you know me so well In the restaurant in the booth I took you home but you still Wouldn’t swallow your food Are you reading the signs As we drive by, passing it on By, feels inhuman to be so Dry, its not my fault you Keep aiming for my ankles I feel like twisted lingerie When you wear all black, I feel like pulling out the guns When silence swallows your Skin, I feel I feel I feel But the problem is That you don’t
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| © Copyright 2002 Morgana - All Rights Reserved | |||
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
This piece has potential, it really does. But the strange line breaks coupled with the utter lack of serious punctuation makes this piece a pond that gets harder and harder to wade through. The images are good throughout the piece, but it really is begging for structure. But I am guessing others will come in and comment after me and make me seem like I am insane. Either way. Casey Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Thanks for your honesty. Most people are so ready to lick your ass, you know what I mean? Personally I don't like using a specific structure or formula for my poetry because I like it to just flow. You read it how you want to read it. How much you get out of it is really up to you. However, I do understand that it can be a pain to try and 'get it' when the writer isn't giving you much to work with in the first place. You're not insane. ;-) Thanks again.
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
hey girl. i loved this. it really caught me off guard considering it's way above the average level of the rest of the pieces in here. i agree about the punctuation, but that's about it. reminds me of 'i died' by bif. nice work. msg me when you have a chance. it's been a while. /jen/ so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Hey, Bif Naked, right? I've heard a few of her songs but not "I Died". I'll check into it sometime. Always looking for more music to listen to. Thanks a lot for your reply. Reading over it again I do agree.. I'm too lazy to fix it though. At least not right now.  What's your screen name again? I stopped IMing you because I thought I was just being annoying. lol I'll talk to you soon. - me
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Gnarly piece Memina. I'm not sure I get it all, but... very interesting.  Sincerely, SaVerite (Titus) As I'm out there, walking, searching, for myself, for you.... won't you join me? Let's walk this journey together. |
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jave Junior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 18CO, USA |
Damn, that was awesome! It had it's own flow, beautiful. |
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xEmperorEmber Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 136tx |
I understand. love, Paul |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
You ever felt like you could just jump inside someone else's skin and walk around for a while? That's what this piece did for me. |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Hey, nobody reply to this please. lol That moron Paul decided to bring it back up.  If you're going to reply to one of my crappy poems please do so to the newest one (which at the moment is "Pumpkin Pie") since I don't care about what I wrote before. Thanks.I'm married to Mr.Metaphor. We make love everyday. [This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (08-13-2002 03:26 PM).] |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
great poem i really liked it hope to see more from you. tks for the read. robin you either like me for who i am or you don't like me at all |
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