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Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2002-06-19 05:27 PM

(Author's Note: this DIDN'T happen, although I had a dream that it did, which inspired this poem. My nickname is Lyss and the **** is for the other person's name because I don't think anyone needs to know)

Two a.m
and the phone
is ringing
disturbing my slumber
I need my beauty sleep
so I pick it up
ready and willing
to yell at whoever
has disturbed my dreams
when shakily,
a voice echos in my ear
"Lyss, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry,"
it sobs,
tears mixed with words
like a lethal drink
of bleach and pain thinner
"I'm sorry, I am so sorry"
it sobs
over and over
until I finally ask
"for what?"
wondering what
terrible thing
shall be thrown my way today
"Lyss, it's ****,
something horrible's happened."
and suddenly I know
that my life
is never going to be the same
but I don't know why.
"Lyss, he's gone."
Those words echo
over and over and over
like a broken record player
or a skipping CD.
"How?"
I ask
though I don't
really think
that I want to know
"he mixed some stuff.
you know, bleach,
paint thinner, ammonia.
He wanted to die, Lyss,
he didn't go into this
thinking he would
wake up tomorrow."
Suddenly,
my life is meaningless
there's no one there
to comfort me
no one for me to hold
no one for me to touch
no one for me to love
because you drank
a lethal drink.

I've never seen you on the streets of this town, I've never seen you just hanging around, But you still tell me that you know me... ~Justin Sane

songsoftheaftermath
Member

since 2002-06-19

Posts 84
a world of disarray

1 posted 2002-06-19 08:42 PM

you know where you can improve allysa? try and write OUTSIDE the field. we all know about death and we all know about the typical teenage rebel. if we werent the same or had some of those experiences in our lives we would STILL know about it through tv. try and capture some other part of the dream instead of just what happened ok? more about the chills or sweats you experienced and not so much what was going on to give them to you- i think youd find a more mature poem if you did that.
it was still good anyway.

could the darkness be my friend?

Faerie Lick
New Member

since 2002-06-21

Posts 9
Curious, so curious

2 posted 2002-06-21 03:38 PM

Dreams are interesting aren't they? I always have such bizarre dreams. Picking them apart is fun. I like this. This subject always sparks my interest.

Hey, look at me.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

3 posted 2002-06-22 10:57 AM

Yes, I believe that actions like that are selfish
This is one of your best posts Allysa
I'm starting to see a lot of progress in you
keep it up, and keep em coming
thanks for sharing

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.

cutiepiesugarbabie
Member

since 2002-06-07

Posts 110
A Cloud In the Sky

4 posted 2002-06-24 12:03 PM

dreams...gifts and tortures all in one...thank god it didn't happen for real...but maybe the risk showed u how much ****** really means to you great poem-keep writing!

o*~Everyone makes mistakes-get over them and make more tomorrow!~*o

cutiepiesugarbabie
Member

since 2002-06-07

Posts 110
A Cloud In the Sky

5 posted 2002-06-24 12:04 PM

dreams...gifts and tortures all in one...thank god it didn't happen for real...but maybe the risk showed u how much ****** really means to you great poem-keep writing!

o*~Everyone makes mistakes-get over them and make more tomorrow!~*o

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