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Teen Poetry #5

Your Poison

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2002-06-13 11:29 AM

You've infected me,
I'm slowly dying.
you poison is killing me,
I'm so helpless.
Only one cure,
but it won't be found in time.
No time left now,
what can i do?
i really dont know where 2 take this, any suggestions?

~¿Our lives are soap operas, no wonder so many people sit glued 2 the tv watching them.....¿~

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

1 posted 2002-06-13 01:35 PM

Sounds like the beginning of some awesome free verse or perhaps prose. Just give it time it'll evolve. Good start.

Jenn

Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving?

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

2 posted 2002-06-13 09:44 PM

Maybe you could go further into how lost you feel.. or perhaps go into how you're looking for the words to express yourself but you can't find them and because of that you can't really find direction.. which circles back to being lost. Funny how that happens. So far it sounds good... just tuck it away somewhere for a while until something comes to you.. forced poems sound like crap.

[Jaime]

"I think I would like to call myself 'the girl who wanted to be God'." Sylvia Plath

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