Teen Poetry #5 |
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A Silent Walk Through Neverland |
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ericaisamonkey Member
since 2002-04-04
Posts 51A little town north of nowhere |
The roses fully bloomed Your kisses oh so gentle The grass is bright green and the sun shining high You remember Long talks, silent cuddling An adventure awaits Blind ambition Useless attempts I smell summer And snese the rain The colors blur I slowly forget Wonderful times Now time to grow up Always forgetting, where I left off I'm pushed from the circle Then pulled deep inside Deja vu takes everything And helps me remember That silent walk through Neverland As the breeze fades And the moion shining high I go back to before I awake with a feeling Warm and calming I still have yet to remember A silent walk through Neverland. *Erica* |
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© Copyright 2002 Erica Reeves - All Rights Reserved | |||
CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
I liked this one. The ones you've posted lately are really different from your old ones, you're writing happy poems now... ![]() - Cody - |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Erica- The gentle tone of this poem makes it a pleasure to read! It's good to be young forever, but growing old is something we all get to look forward to. ^^; I think. Hehehe... "And the moon shining high" I like the way you wrote these two lines. Why? Well, first of all, you bring closure to the poem, from day to night using the sun and moon. As well, the repetition of "shining high" unifies the poem, so there really isn't much sparratic "behavior". Uhh...yeah! ^_^; Overall, nicely done! Thanks for sharing! |
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Shmurfkins New Member
since 2002-01-29
Posts 5the state of confusion |
I like this poem, went over my head the first time, but the second time around I got it ![]() it's very nicely written and I look forward to reading more of your work ~Stace WHOOOOOOOOOOO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! |
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Dopey Dope![]()
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought the poem was fine, the idea was a very very nice one. However, I think you could have expressed it better using a different tone. I liked this a lot though. ![]() This message has been brought to you by the letter 'Y' |
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