This is it - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

TearsOfPearls
Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa

0 posted 2002-04-30 03:32 PM

Gee, it's been quite a while since I've been here, I've missed this place...so tell me wot u think

So this is what it comes down to:
a dream in a jar on a shelf
and locked inside where the anger hides
is the root of my anger itself.

The dream: my wings
cut down from flight
like little fireflies
with burn out light.

A jar: your thoughts
as thick as clay
from which you won't
just ever stray.

The world itself is the shelf
upon which ground your base,
your acts and thoughts all controlled
for the world has made your face.

Condemned for stepping outside your mind
and the fear I don't feel for you,
a dream in a jar on a shelf...
so this is what is comes down to.

Planning big can be a gamble...I have already rolled the dice!

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

1 posted 2002-04-30 07:56 PM

Hello

I enjoyed the write. It was a fresh style, which was nice. I must say though... it was slightly confusing. You seemed to jump around a bit, jumping from feeling to feeling, idea to idea, thought to thought. That made the feel be a bit choppy. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it. I'm just not sure I got what you were trying to say, though.

What I got from it was be free, be open. Live your dreams, or die trying. Maybe I got that because that's how I am, lol.

Thanks for the write, my friend.

Sincerely,
Titus

Every second that passes you are one second older. You'll never get that second back.

TearsOfPearls
Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa

2 posted 2002-05-01 12:46 PM

ummm....well....basically it's you having dreams, but those dreams, because you don't think and act the same way everyone else and this world does, get put down, cause no one seem to undestand, and no one is willing to look at it from your perspective

so....guess that is it yeah

I know I am lost sometimes cause I'm grounded in my mind

songsoftheaftermath
Member

since 2002-06-19

Posts 84
a world of disarray

3 posted 2002-06-27 02:03 AM

oh this is a GEM!! i loved this. ive got no critiques for it cuz its perfect. i loved the imagery and the whole content! keep posting more!!

could the darkness be my friend?

Tomer
Senior Member

since 2002-06-28

Posts 1168
Michigan

4 posted 2002-06-28 02:18 PM

Very well done......I enjoy the imagery, try to build on that. Always be descripitive as possible. You are very bright.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.