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fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

0 posted 2002-04-24 12:44 PM

read and reply honestly please. if i were honest about it myself i would say it isn't my best, but i kind of have writer's block. so um...yay?

you say the eyes are the window to the soul,
so why do you look into mine that way?
you know i can't help the way i feel inside,
and even though i've tried,
it all just falls apart.
i tried to love you,
but you pushed me away.
and even though i tried,
i just can't walk away.
you know you are my everything,
and without you,
my world comes crashing,
down down,
towards the cold hard ground,
like a bluebird,
sent on a suicide mission,
plunging blindly towards his fate.

-bergundy-

maybe i'll catch fire, something nice to warm me. something pure to burn away the darkness, that hides inside my mind. -alkaline trio-

[This message has been edited by fearing-laughter (04-24-2002 10:52 PM).]

Impulse Pro
Junior Member

since 2002-03-22

Posts 25
Mass,USA

1 posted 2002-04-25 05:11 PM

I like this poem
keep them coming

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2002-04-26 12:24 PM

I do like this one a lot but i also agree that its not your best. Writers block sux and i hope you get out of it soon

Keep the poems comin hun!

iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf..

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

3 posted 2002-04-26 05:57 PM

You know, I was all set to argue with you about it not being very good, but then I read the end... it ended very abruptly. I havn't read any of your other work, but I think if you added something to the end, it would make the whole poem better. Aside from my opinion that the ending was sudden, I thought the poem was beautiful. I havn't read any of your other work, but if this is only decent, I'll be sure to do so in the future.

Kielo

SlowDrag
Member

since 2002-01-10

Posts 53
Tx...need i say more

4 posted 2002-04-26 07:20 PM

very good write...i enjoyed reading this one...

"it's like you're always stuck in second gear..."

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

5 posted 2002-04-27 04:13 AM

yeah i agree kielo, i tried to fix it though so here it is. lol i am reposting in the friggin reply box...great..oh well.

you say the eyes are the window to the soul,
so why do you look into mine that way?
you know i can't help the way i feel inside,
and even though i've tried,
it all just falls apart.
i tried to love you,
but you pushed me away.
and even though i tried,
i just can't walk away.
you know you are my everything,
and without you,
my world comes crashing down
tumbling towards the ground
like a sad little bluebird
whose lost all his hope to love
and is too laden with pain
to ever again
allow his wings to take flight

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