A Winter Scene - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

0 posted 2002-04-01 08:28 PM

This dismal core
Dark and Dreary in its existence
Stretches out towards me
The snow is glazing the branches
Of those merciless evergreens
Lightly drifting to dust the needles
Dancing through the maze of roots
While the wind caresses this frozen world
Shattering the icy escape
Raining glass tears from the heavens
All around the air clings heavily
As if the world was standing still
Crying with a heavy heart
Soon to be frozen by the falling crystals
Memories of its icy past
Like so many weary travelers before
That have lost themselves on this worn path
Footprints, only memories, soon to be covered
By the new fallen snow
One of those english projects, where the teacher gives out a picture, and you have write a poem about it....I started to just describe the picture
and slowly that became this....any feed back is welcomed...
~Lisa

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

1 posted 2002-04-01 10:32 PM

really guys, any feedback at all....hehe

Sorry, I cant stand the 0, makes me feel rejected....although now the 1 is gonna do the smae thing....DANG IT

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

2 posted 2002-04-01 11:38 PM

I'm not a fan of the "force-you-to-write-about-this-here-picture" method of poetry...but this was anything but forced. I really liked the way you worded this! It was readily descriptive and chilly. You could feel it. ^^ I also enjoyed the way you got beneath the surface of a picture and wrote deeper than:
here is an evergreen tree.
It is covered in snow.
It's not green anymore.
It is white.
White is a nice colour.
It reminds me of snow.

And so on...
I think you get my point...hehe. ^^;
Well done!

-Leah

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

3 posted 2002-04-02 05:22 PM

Wow, this is excellent... Very good imagery.