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Teen Poetry #5
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The fear of my loneliness-hers
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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The fear of my loneliness-hers |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... 
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I wrote this a while back, when i was busy wallowing in the pit of my drepression and had gone into hibernation. the spelling errors and incorrect grammar and missing words are intentional. if you cant relate to it-good! its meant to be that way, if it annoys you then all the more better. so yeah, tell me what you think and i promise not to torture you any longer  (only when i feel like it...)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The fear of my loneliness-hers The dirt moves inside me, Shifting and wriggling out of place Before finding its clean niche. Resting amongst the chaotic Remains of soiled laundry, Of the cries of abandoned children, And yesterdays undigested dinner. Loneliness has found its home Bringing with it the Sheltered, quiet, whispering voices Of freedom… Know longer gnown as 'I' For she has become Her. I, It. These four walls. That linen. Her yellow stains. Her red ones below the yellow ones. Hidden as intricately as she hides her mind, And the voices. The shrieks and cars filter through shut blinds -Floating melodies to compliment her beauty. And the oil that accumulates upon her unwashed skin. " 'Cause inside you're ugly You're ugly like me"1 And love it as its tears fall In the early hours of its seemingly eternal darkness, Because its arms hug its waist and shoulder Moving the pieces of charcoal and fallen hair Inside of her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1."Outside"- Staind, Break the Cycle (Flip/Elektra records) My england is goodly- are you strudable? |
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| © Copyright 2002 cherish - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
I really loved this one... very interesting! This was my favorite part: Loneliness has found its home Bringing with it the Sheltered, quiet, whispering voices Of freedom… Know longer gnown as 'I' For she has become Her. I, It. I'm not sure why really, but it just rubbed me the right way. I hate that expression but that's the only one I could think of quickly. lol "It tickles my fancy" sounds kind of cool though.  Cela passera. turningthepage.blogspot.com [This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (03-21-2002 02:50 PM).] |
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xShUgArHiGhx 
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Great job cherish  I like how you put a little quote from Staind in there, it was a nice touch!! Good job on the poem !! iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf.. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
Cherish this was amazing. You always outdo yourself. This little window to your soul shows alot, while still keeping things hidden. I'm sorry that you had to go through the that time in your life, but its what made you who you are now. And thats who we all love and cherish. (no pun intended) :p Fantastic job on this, creative with the format and the quote fits in very nicely (*loves that song*). the whole thing ties together nicely.. great imagery and language. Altogether.. it was one of your best (that i've read atleast). Keep writing, and ill keep reading. Library this goes. *hugS* ..tiff.. “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
W O W As usual I am stunned by the beauty and greatness of your writing, you never cease to amaze me with your wonderful talent, thank you for sharing this beautiful peice of poetry with us Andrew I give huggles for replies :) |
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dastard Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55in tearing silence |
still love it *hugs*"Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt" ~Marie, the girl of a thousand truths |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Hey---I finally got around to coming back here! And now that I have...reading your poem has definetley shown me that not coming here was a bad idea! I liked this work---all your poems are beautifully written. They're not just...there---you have to think aboutn it to get the ultimate message! I like that! Thanks for sharing! Others are too in love with the sound of their own voice to speak the truth... |
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Carly Maas Junior Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 23Garden City, MI, USA |
All I can say is wow. I understood it somewhat, and even though there were parts I didn't understand, I still love it. And greatly written on top of everything else! And thanks for your replies! "One day you'll love me as I onced loved you, |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
Humm... If I could write as well as you, I might have something to say... All I can say, is it was good. I did identify with parts of it, but I'll keep it to myself. Glad to know this isn't something going on right now. Hope to see more of your writing... I know its better than mine! lol...  |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
This was very good. I definately got some personal meaning out of this one. Putting that song in there made it hit home a lot stronger. Jon "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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Starr Member
since 2001-02-08
Posts 100 |
This is great work.. well written... Leaves me to think a bit.. hehe Thanks for sharing Misty Every action of our lives touches some chord that will vibrate in eternity. |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Cherish you are such a wonderful, poet I do hope that you decide to leave as you are one of the very few flowers left in this dreary place. I know the suspension of your posting priveledges must be awful but I hope you know that you have at least one supporter here. BRING BACK TEEN CHAT AND GIVE TEENS THE RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH. |
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