Teen Poetry #5 |
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you |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
frustration is the word that scurries on the walls of my brain. while thinking that i have to be the most difficult human being that i know. life is so sad yet so am i but i dont think that matters right now. the only thing i know is that you are my soul. but you are also the reason i laugh while crying and live while sighing. i know right now that i can't do this anymore. maybe i'll catch fire, something nice to warm me. something pure to burn away the darkness, that hides inside my mind. -alkaline trio- |
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© Copyright 2002 bergundy - All Rights Reserved | |||
punkrockerrobin![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
awesome emmotion i loved it!!!tks for the read. Robin i am me don't tell me different!! |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
Wow. Very nice emotion. I think maybe the lines should be a little longer. The way they are the poem sounds broken, but just a suggestion. Overall, the poem was amazing. I know how you feel... I went through a year of hell for one person. Hope things look up for you. Never argue with a fool. He may be doing the same thing. |
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LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
I agree with Kielo about the lines, but I thought that it was an awesome peice, and it really showed what you were feeling...Great job... ~Lisa |
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Dunphy Member
since 2002-03-14
Posts 82Massachusetts USA |
i like ur poem you did a great job i hope you can write some more an post it i will take some time off and read it you are a magnifisent poet. i hope you can take some time and read some of mine i have some in teen 5 and open 19. well i hope you will write some more. well i thought i would reply and tell you how i tohught of ur writting. love kevin reid aka dunphy 18 m massachusetts |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
I don't often find poems that I actually like, let alone love, but this one I really love. The style, the emotion, the honesty... all of it. Thank you very much for posting this. Me "The most beautiful makeup for a woman is passion, but cosmetics are easier to buy." - Yves Saint Laurent |
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quietlydying![]() ![]()
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
don't touch the lines. i think they're just fine the way they are. after all, you made it that way for a reason, right? i'm digging it. /gwen/ so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
I like the lines the way they are too. I forgot to mention that before. It's part of what gives the poem it's charm... or whatever the hell you want to call it. "The most beautiful makeup for a woman is passion, but cosmetics are easier to buy." - Yves Saint Laurent |
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