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Teen Poetry #5

Battle...

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

0 posted 2002-03-05 04:51 PM

last line so sucks..suggestions!?!?!?!

Trapped within
Crumbling dreams
Night falls
Upon my foolish soul
Slivers of moon
Seep through the cracks
Of my troubled mind
Unaware of how
Time passes me by
Cradling insecurities
Waiting for a taste
Of sanity
Drained by endless running
Body aching
For the light
To ease the darkest of thoughts
And to hold me
In the end
When I feel as if
This battle can no longer be won...

[This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (03-05-2002 04:53 PM).]

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

1 posted 2002-03-05 05:16 PM

I'm the first again, and I waited before responding...I HAVE NO LIFE....ok, now thats out of the way...I dont see a problem with the last line...although the battle can always be won with hard work.....

~Lisa

*poke poke, check your email*

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

2 posted 2002-03-05 06:23 PM

*pokes you* hrm..Lisa are you sure we aren't having breech with the communication thing here..I so am afraid I've been getting yer addy wrong..but I write it down and haha I haven't received anything from you yet..hrm..*impatient*:P

Btw I'm always glad to see you respond to my poems..makes me feel better to see someone really reads em..and ohh yeah I still don't like the last line:P You know we are our worst critics...

[This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (03-05-2002 06:24 PM).]

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

3 posted 2002-03-05 11:23 PM

"Cradling insecurities
Waiting for a taste
Of sanity"

This poem was amazing...absolutely amazing!!! It hit home in a lot of ways. Your words were strong and powerful and full of meaning and emotion...by far my fav piece by you!! Keep up the great work!

iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf..

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