A Moment's Time ----- first poem in like 6 months

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Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

0 posted 2002-03-04 05:35 PM

You have to excuse my writing for now because my muse seems to have left and doesn't plan to come back. I know I haven't posted in a while and felt the obligation to do so, though I'm not particualrly fond of this one. I hope I don't disappoint you again.

A Moment’s Time

A realm built on expressive words,
and that of undiscovered sounds.
Voices of my affection said in such stillness,
meant never to be known...,
...and not even to be ever heard.
Oh beauty cherished by the unsung,
and the barer of my untold.
You are the imagination of one’s desire,
the untouched silhouette in my dreams.
The mirage dancing in the breeze
then quickly taken away by the wind.
I shall wait till my moment’s end has past,
be your forsaken hoping it won’t last.
I shall live in the hands of death,
be searching until I breathe my last breath.
You are she who shines ever so bright,
and thus color the moon with gracious light.
You are she who warms my heart you see,
my beautiful and only mighty Aphrodite.

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.

[This message has been edited by acire (03-04-2002 05:42 PM).]

Erin
Member Elite

since 2000-06-15

Posts 2527
~Chicago~

1 posted 2002-03-04 05:38 PM

Acire~
What a way to start out after almost 6 months! You did a great job on this one. You know how to write you just need to get in the spirit more!!! Keep up the good work!!!

I just want to know one thing...Who did you write this for???

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

2 posted 2002-03-04 05:39 PM

This is very nice Acire. I liked the line about coloring the moon. The only change I would make is the breath/breathe line; it should be as follows: "until I breathe my last breath." OK? Nice work.

God bless America, my home sweet home.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

3 posted 2002-03-04 05:42 PM

As usual Acire your work is a pleasure to read except that font makes it really difficult to do read it. I love the imagery and the way you created it with seamless movement, it is a wonderfully beautiful peice and thank you for sharing it.

If you see this message I have just replied to your poem. I have poems as well *hint*

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

4 posted 2002-03-04 06:40 PM

It's nice to see you posting!! And this is truly lovely. I really like the imagery you use:

**
The mirage dancing in the breeze
then quickly taken away by the wind.
**

Now I wish I'd written those lines!!! Don't stop now!!

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

5 posted 2002-03-04 06:46 PM

Haha your muse left too!! mine's in england doing god knows what;p anyways I loved this, it was beautiful

Kris

-Queth-
Junior Member

since 2002-02-10

Posts 35
Canada

6 posted 2002-03-04 09:30 PM

-acire-

-sigh- So romantic. Hehe. You have such a beautiful way with words, it's breath taking! I really enjoyed this piece. I'm glad you finally wrote something after 6 months, but I will be looking forward to more. (By the way, I love your rhyme scheme!)

Q.u.e.t.h.

Everything in between...

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

7 posted 2002-03-04 09:40 PM

Acies

if this is what you write when your muse bails, then maybe you should send her packing!! WOW! I love this

really really beautiful....I do hope you post more

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

8 posted 2002-03-04 10:18 PM

awwwww babe this was BEAUITFUL! thank you sooooo much

you had no reason to be worried if I'd like it or not! You didn't disapoint me at all! The imagery was wonderful. I always enjoy the depth of your work

now all YOU need is some confidence!

talk to you later hun

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

9 posted 2002-03-04 11:21 PM

Ahhh great job acire!!!! totally sweet and amazing come back after 6 months!! You should really write more often!

iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf..

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

10 posted 2002-03-05 09:44 AM

Thanks so much for the kind words

I do honestly kinda feel not right about this poem though for some reason. I think it's missing something, and I'm afraid that it might be heart

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

11 posted 2002-03-05 12:52 PM

This is very good acire. The ending was killer. I totally liked it, you should definately post more often but I'm not one to talk.
Jon

"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur
"Sometimes it takes a painful loss to realize you are free"- Bouncing Souls

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

12 posted 2002-03-05 02:27 PM

WOW!

Acire, I loved it. A beautful piece. It paitned a wonderful story.... or, do I mean it wonderfully painted a story? I'm glad to see you posting again. Superbly done, and a killer ending. [the font made it difficult for me, as well.] Looking forward to the next.

I shall wait till my moment’s end has past,
be your forsaken hoping it won’t last.

What words! Damn... slendid mate.

~ Titus

The One, The Only... The Titus.

Let the music set you free.

[This message has been edited by PoetryIsLife (03-05-2002 02:28 PM).]

Voiceless
Senior Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind

13 posted 2002-03-05 10:18 PM

This is a great poem!
I really enjoyed it.
And if this is the way you write
when your muse is taking a power nap
I am pretty sure you have nothing to worry
about!

Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial)

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

14 posted 2002-03-09 01:13 PM

Awww Tito! This is so nice. Your muse left? What a load of crap. It didn't go anywhere. I don't know why you insist on putting yourself down all the time. It reads like you're fishing for compliments.

You are the imagination of one’s desire,
the untouched silhouette in my dreams.
The mirage dancing in the breeze
then quickly taken away by the wind.
That is just amazing. The imagery leaves the reader in awe.

Write more often. I don't care if you think your muse has left you, it hasn't. You write well so don't forget that.

~AF~

::Most people never listen::
Ernest Hemingway

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

15 posted 2002-03-09 02:14 PM

Absolutely amazing.

Don't let your mind wander, it's much to small to be out by itself.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

16 posted 2002-03-09 09:15 PM

*swoons at the last two lines* Screw the font, the poem was great! Are you really going to make me wait 6 more months to read something else from you? *grins*

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

17 posted 2002-03-13 05:03 AM

LOL..damn font face!

i had to squint and squint and squint!!

but TOOOOOONA!! this is awesome! *pokes your shoulder* yer such a romantic, so its inevitable that these words are really beautiful

"You are she who shines ever so bright,
and thus color the moon with gracious light."
i loved that, its really very sweet. you SHOULD post more often you know. your muse hasnt left...this PROVES that it hasnt left..its just getting lazy. That, or your muse KNOWS how much we like your poems and pleasures in depriving us of it.
write and post more often, its always nice reading something from you.

Zombie

Torn are her limbs
By quiet hands that
Tug life(color) out of her.
Gnawing edges round
Into a broken(satisfying)
Shadow

Ses
Junior Member

since 2001-03-16

Posts 14
The Mountain State

18 posted 2002-03-13 10:41 AM

Aww, acire, I haven't really written that much since September. I've discovered that if you don't write anything for a long period of tyme, the first one you write will always be great... Great one here, hun.

~Tamma

Hey...It's me...Tamma

[This message has been edited by Ses (03-13-2002 10:42 AM).]

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

19 posted 2002-03-18 09:07 AM

I'm sorry but i really wouldn't be around PIP as much anymore. For some reason, I have lost the feeling for PIP. So, see you whenever.

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.

[This message has been edited by acire (03-20-2002 02:44 PM).]

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

20 posted 2002-03-20 12:32 PM

..NO....just NO ok?

My england is goodly- are you strudable?

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