my attempt at writing a song..(which I've never done successfully b4)

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Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

0 posted 2002-02-25 06:00 PM

Okay this is really something different for me I wrote it at work on a sticky pad:p it was just sticking with me, so I wrote it down..tell me what you honestly think please..I really don't know what else to add..blech on me!!

I got a lil' secret
I'm startin' to believe
That you could make it all complete
If you were to sweep me off of my feet

So C'mon
Wanna take a chance
And have a lil' taste of romance

Swallow the cold harsh reality
Take my hand
And leave it all behind
'Cos you never know until you try

I know, I see it in your eyes
Your hungry for love's attention
And sweet affection

So C'mon
Wanna take a chance
And have a lil' taste of romance

Bite the bullet
And shed your soul of it's naivitie
I won't do you no wrong
No baby, just come with me
We'll dance for an eternity
Beneath the rays of each other's love
We'll leave it all behind
'Cos you never know until you try...

[This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (02-25-2002 06:22 PM).]

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

1 posted 2002-02-25 06:16 PM

A songwriter as well, my friend? I too enjoy delving into song now and then. I might, in fact, be in a band in a few monts, so I'm going to start working out the rust.

I like it, I like. It's a bit rouch around some edges, but, nonetheless, I think it has a fantastic start.

I won't do you
No wrong if you come with me

How about:

I wont do you no wrong,
no baby, just come with me.

And:

We'll dance for an eternity
Beneath the rays of each other's smiles

How about 'love' instead of 'smile'?

Just a couple of ideas.

Quick thought. I might ask a mod if this should be in this forum. It might go in Teen Chat or Prose, something more along those lines. I'm not sure, just a thought. Anyhow, great write here. I enjoyed it. Almost seemed country to me, LoL.

Sincerely,
The Titus

The One, The Only... The Titus.

[This message has been edited by PoetryIsLife (02-25-2002 06:17 PM).]

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

2 posted 2002-02-25 06:20 PM

How about you bite me!?:P It was on my sticky pad thingy at work..hehe but it's all good thanks..I so want this deleted..it does me no justice...:p

Kris

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

3 posted 2002-02-25 07:05 PM

*bites Kristen*

I said I like it!

Don't be so mean! LoLoL...

Sincerely,
The Titus

The One, The Only... The Titus.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2002-02-25 07:26 PM

Do you really want this deleted?
Anyway, I thought it was well done. If you'd like future tips on how to write a song, maybe the way a lot of others do it or something, I could help out a bit. I enjoyed it though.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

5 posted 2002-02-25 08:21 PM

I like it a lot, and I couldnt do any better

But be good to titus, he was just trying to be nice....

oh and CHOMP!

~LCBS

Exeryone makes mistake, learn from them and move on, because tomorrow we'll make more...

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