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Cinderelly
Member

since 2001-12-31

Posts 189
NM, USA

0 posted 2002-02-13 11:26 PM

"The Game" - a poem told by the point of both people (starting w/ the guy, then the girl, etc.) and ending in their mutual final thought. Please offer any suggestions!

ROARING crowd,
RUNNING feet,
TONIGHT, it’s all about the game.

              OUT of my way,
              JUST to see you,
              TONIGHT, I’m thinking
              "What would happen if you knew?"

AHEAD by ten,
GOING to state,
CAN’T let them win
NOT now, not ever.

              DON’T care about the score,
              NOT important to me,
              HE’S already won my heart
              B/C what has been,
              ALWAYS will be . . .

WON the game,
AM a star,
WHO is that staring from afar?

              BASKING in his pride,
              WILL I ever break his stride?
              ARE my feelings something to always
              hide?

SHE’S nothing but a friend,
MY heart’s being occupied,
NO space for her to reside.

         4 years,
         WE’VE known,
         BUT when will we be more?
         MORE then we’ve been before.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

1 posted 2002-02-14 09:26 PM

wow jamie, i really liked the way you wrote this- VERY creative indeed..i love the way it read like a game and the whole "game" aspect of it. very cute piece of poetry you have here. i liked it loads.

life's not about who wins or loses, or about whos got the better car,or the most money. it's about living,and trying to make the best of what we have.

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

2 posted 2002-02-15 04:14 AM

The way this is set up is very original. I liked this piece and I think you could make it even better by expanding on your ideas a little more instaed of limiting them to such short little "in-game thoughts". It was a nice write though. Enjoyed it much

ex animo,
Aaron

There are no great men, only men in great circumstances.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

3 posted 2002-02-15 01:49 PM

Really interesting format...i like it a lot!!! I love how it was a story told by both sides..great poem!

mE & cHrIsTiNe GaVe A WhOlE nEw mEaNiNg tO ThE wOrD "iNcOgNiTo"

chas
Member

since 2001-04-08

Posts 101
Lynn, ma

4 posted 2002-02-16 12:11 PM

a poem of an epic struggle..great work.. interesting poem.. enjoyed it alot.

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