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Teen Poetry #5

Dreams of The Realization

Starr
Member

since 2001-02-08

Posts 100

0 posted 2002-06-27 10:52 AM

You made him go
He didn't want to
But you smiled at him
He knew your mind was made up
No matter what he said he was going
But now in the dreams he comes.
In here it's not like it was.
For, You saw him going
You told him not to
But he looked back and smiled
And you knew his mind was made up
No matter what you said he was going
Your tears, your pains, did not matter
“Why did you leave me so alone?”
“What if you didn’t go that day?”
The ‘whys’ and‘what ifs’ you always ask
The answers are never to be
For what is in the past
Lies in the past
Forever without a care
You realized you couldn’t change that
What has happened cannot be changed
But the future can be BUILT
To look back means
You’re turning your back on the future
The past is what has gone
The future is what is to come
You choose where you rather be
A hurtful past or a changeable future.

Every action of our lives touches some chord that will vibrate in eternity.

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

1 posted 2002-07-03 05:09 AM

that was a great poem i really liked it!

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clve527
Member

since 2002-07-08

Posts 200

2 posted 2002-07-08 01:33 PM

A big problem I see is a lack of punctuation, this hurts any poem. Also you are telling the reader lots, but not showing them much of anything. Poetry needs to be showing, it makes the readers journey much more entertaining. Shave this poem down to its minimum, look at it and find the handful of lines that are the reason you wrote it. Take those and paint us a picture, make it a picture for everyone.

Casey

sillywilly
Junior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 33
oklahoma

3 posted 2002-07-08 02:25 PM

I really liked your poem. I can definitely relate.

StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

4 posted 2002-07-08 10:02 PM

that was really good..i mean really. keep up the excellent work!

*~erin~*

"Do you like dreaming of things so impossible or only the practical or ever the wild?"-Dashboard Confessional

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