Teen Poetry #5 |
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When you broke my heart |
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Allysa![]() ![]()
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden ![]() |
I heard that you were crying. I've never heard you cry before. She broke your heart and you're just as stubborn as I was when you broke mine. You don't believe that she's gone and I always thought you would come back. She broke your heart and you're feeling the same way I felt when you broke mine. At first I was glad that you saw what it feels like when you've got no one She broke your heart, and I hope you never have to feel the way I did when you broke mine. I guess I still care too much I guess I want to protect you I guess I don't want you to feel the way that you made me feel when you broke my heart. They told me you were crying you've never cried before. She broke your heart and you know how I felt when you broke mine. I'm sorry you got hurt relationships like that never work. She broke your heart and I don't want you to feel the way I did when you broke mine. She broke your heart. I'm sorry that she broke your heart and I'm sorry that you feel the same pain I did when you broke mine when you broke me when you broke my heart. Don't let your mind wander, it's much to small to be out by itself. |
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© Copyright 2002 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marshalzu![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
I really enjoyed the read Allysa, I wasn't quite sure what you were trying to say if... the first time I read it, I kind of felt that it had mocking tones of revenge but the second time I though it sounded quite sincere, anyway great read ![]() Zu I wish I was a pigeon so that I could fly across the world |
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Jenabou Member
since 2000-06-13
Posts 215Oklahoma/Nova Scotia Canada/USA |
This one REALLY hit home. I know this story all too well. And I know at first you feel,or at least want to feel happy that he has to suffer just like he made you but it always turns out that you know how deep the pain cuts and you wish no one had to feel that way. Take care this was a great write *for someone who's used to heartache,losing it all was just a matter of time* |
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xShUgArHiGhx![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
This one really hit home for me too...i remember this situation like it was yesterday..its hard and your not quite shur that your feeling the way you should be..great poem allysa yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows |
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Jenn Cirrincione![]() ![]()
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Wow, I really liked how raw and to-the point this was. I felt every line. ![]() Jenn "You are the strength, that keeps me walking- you are the hope that keeps me trusting." |
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punkrockerrobin![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
wow such emmotion here i hope you are ok! guys are not worth crying over you'll find a better guy robin i have a wish but only a certain guy can fufill it! |
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Allysa![]() ![]()
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Thanks everyone, for replying and for the support I feel here. I love you all. Don't let your mind wander, it's much to small to be out by itself. |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
I liked this, it was really good. nice job. It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. I've learned that even when you th [This message has been edited by LoneWolf (01-28-2002 09:01 PM).] |
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Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I think everyone can relate to this. This reminds of the the song "I Learned From the Best". Check that out when you can ![]() Very well done... you obviously put a lot of yourself into this piece, and the emotions are strong. I hope everything works out for the best. --Marie I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone. |
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Acies![]()
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
one thing Allysa, the repetition kinda got a little redundant. Over all though, you did express yourself really well I just thought that you already made your point halfway thru the poem Hope you don't take this once criticizm in a bad way just a suggestion ya know ![]() thanks for sharing keep em coming là où est mon amour? |
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Allysa![]() ![]()
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Acire, I don't take your critsism in a bad way, you're like my big brother or something, always looking out for me. This was just sort of a rant, sort of what the voices in my head have been debating over. It's kind of like what happens when my brain debates with my heart... Anyway, I had the most WONDERFUL saturday ever.... |
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Acies![]()
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
then spill about Saturday ![]() là où est mon amour? |
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Allysa![]() ![]()
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Saturday was a JA dance for all the freshman at my school. I danced with Mike. It was SOOOOO much fun and I can't wait to do it again. Don't let your mind wander, it's much to small to be out by itself. |
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