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Teen Poetry #5
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Crooked Halos III - Just a Scratch
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Crooked Halos III - Just a Scratch |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
He sits rocking on his bedroom floor, Knees tucked to his chest, Trying to make sense of all The things he should have guessed. Clad in but a shirt and jeans, Sweat soaked through and through, He sits there rocking back and forth, Wishing he knew what to do. He wipes away a silent tear, Then takes a knife in hand, Runs a finger 'long the blade; Why can’t they understand? He gives a saddened smile As his finger seeps with blood, Just a scratch, a soothing cut; No worse than dirt or mud. His hands begin to tremble As he set the jack knife down, He pushes it; away, away, And lets his sorrow drown. ----------- Part 3 of my Crooked Halos series....I can't post Part 2, because it delves too far down the path of suicide. If you want to read it, you can find contact info for me in the profile thingy. -Adam "If life is so significant, then why do we die?" |
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| © Copyright 2002 Adam Kamerer - All Rights Reserved | |||
xShUgArHiGhx 
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Aww i wish you could post it here..maybe u should think about writing a more "pip" friendly version of part 2  just a thought!!I really liked part 3 though..i enjoyed it a lot..keep em comin! yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Actually, I am intended to re-write part two because I'm really not satisfied with the way it turned out. I intend to keep the same suicidal overtones, but if it turns out different and pip friendly, I'll post it. -Adam "If life is so significant, then why do we die?" |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is really well-written! I loved the message... I thought in the beginning this would be a glorification of suicide. I'm glad it's not I really like the meter and the rhyme you've put in here. It's consistant, and overall, very well done. Nice work! I enjoyed this.. --Marie I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone. |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Though suicide is a very real and serious issue in my life, I hope none of my poetry comes off as glorifying it. If anything, I hope it makes the reader dislike the issue as much as I do, and yet be intrigued by it enough to keep in mind long enough to seriously sit down and think the prospect of it out and why they as a person have chosen not to take the path so many others have. The Crooked Halos series is supposed to be an exploration into the realm of sorrow and sadness. As such, suicide will be a reoccuring theme in the poetry due to it's close relationship with extreme depression. If any of the poems come off as glorifying suicide, then I'm afraid that is simply the reader's perception of it; I do not intend for any of my poems to glorify nor support the act of suicide as a good option. This poem deals with the beginning stages of self-mutilation....cutting oneself. -Adam "If life is so significant, then why do we die?" |
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Voiceless Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686Under the stars upon the wind |
I love these, and i know what you mean about not wanting to make suicide look good, i used to write a lot of this kind of stuff but i have been pushing it back in hopes of not causing anything. But I love reading yours! Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial) |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
Love this one.. the end message is gravy... though the whole self mutilation thing is.. something I won't put on here, but respond to on MSN rather.. anyway.. I really like this one, you did a gravy job.. you've gotta email me the second poem! Ali Liefhe alle ten spijte van duivel... A tes souhaits... A tes amours... Qu ils restent. J'ai t'adore. Je t'aime. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
oye...i went searching for the missing number two...and i couldnt find it!  ....until i read the little note a'course  *sigh*....again....i love this.....really sad yes....but loved the ending ....send me II if youre free..  eyes...........feeel...D |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Oh wowsers. I haven't read some fantabulous dark poetry in AGES and this really makes coming back worthwhile. You always did have a flare for writing pieces that spark the creative juices. Very cool imagery and the way it read through was so good that it didn't skip a beat. I know someone that would love this piece so I hope you don't mind if I show them. I'm connecting with it so she will. Thanks for the read. Very much enjoyed. ~AF~ If this is all the world has to offer, I want a refund on my life. |
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LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
Adam- I, like you have a poem that may "glorify suicide." These poems are not meant to do that, I feel they are more to educate people that what they feel is a part of these lovely teen years.....I would love to read the second part, and hope you can make it more pip friendly...excellent poem! LCBS I was drowning in my own tears, until you threw me a life preserver |
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