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Apocalyptic Residue
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Apocalyptic Residue |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia 
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her shrill voice rings clear, sweet and washed clean with tears of years to come. The girl with the frozen eyes leans on the balcony and calls to me by my name, by her name, the name that, flowing from her lips, sounded like pure spun gold. And she shone like the moon when the clouds hide in the purple painted corners of the inky sky. She screamed that I had nothing to fear. That my life was spinning through the revolving doors of brightly lit stores selling happiness and I was never getting off. Staring through the frosted glass, she told me that my days were dwindling, and have now been turned to slowly burning embers left smoldering in the ash by the 'forget-me-now' piles. Her words were a slap across my face leaving my cheek stinging more than it did on winter days. I hid in the rich folds of velvet fabric shielding my hurting heart from her anger and told her I couldn't... I couldn't look past the lies I'd created. Couldn't see past the life I had imagined. I was stuck in the world which was turning without me knowing, oblivious to the up or down of the orb. Now, soaking my pillows with sorrow, I lay in the dark while her words float through my dreams. --Marie I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone. [This message has been edited by Fading Away (01-19-2002 12:16 PM).] |
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dastard Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55in tearing silence |
beautiful... in a sad way... "Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt" ~Marie, the girl of a thousand truths |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
There's nothing here I want to rip apart... Althought I do have to admit I don't completely understand it, but that's the beauty of poetry isn't it? I'm taking it as I'm taking it now, and I think it's perfect for me. LOL I mean it sounds as if I'm that girl screaming outloud and struggling. Interesting way of mixing nature into your feelings as well. Great job! Goin' in the library...  "You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Marie- You never silence my awe when I read your poems. This one was a hard hitter, spoken with such a painful grace. I couldn't stop reading until the end, and even then, I felt there was more. The way you make your words so full of poeticity, yet so down to earth allows the reader to be entranced by something so common in our world. God bless you and your dreams, Marie. You're a wonderful person. ^_^ -Li- Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
You write so beautifully maria...im seriously tongue-tied as to what to say to this..beautiful job yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i especially like the way you began this piece, you really made me hang on to and savor every line. the imagery you use is always so beautiful and refreshing, i never get ired of reading your poetry. dont ever stop writing sweet heart. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Marie: I can't put it much better then Li. Simply, truely, amazing. Sincerely, Titus Smile, Jesus loves you. :) |
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Ree Ree Member
since 2001-06-28
Posts 56providence, RI |
This is a kewl poem. I especially liked the ending...with the tears and the pillows and the dreams. Í can't really say anything that should be changed, it flows in an interesting way... i like it. : ) |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Dastard: *big hugs* Thanks for the reply. Short, but you said enough... Check your email soon, sweetie. *hugs* HiddenSparklez: Thanks for taking the time to read and reply. It definitely means bunches to me! And.. understand is over-rated anyway, eh? Maybe I'll reply later with an explination... Leah: Having your reply on my work means so very much to me. I miss seeing you around PIP, but the fact that you took the time to read this and reply (with such a sweet reply!) was kick-arse...  Thanks so much!xShUgArHiGhx: Thanks for replying... I'm so very glad you enjoyed it! Peter: I feel special to have your reply on my work!  Savor every line, eh?  Thanks so much for replying.. means bunches to me that you took the time to read. *hugs*Titus: Thanks so much for reading and replying... I'm glad you enjoyed it! Ree Ree: Thank you for taking the time to read. I hope you're enjoying Passions  Thanks everyone... again, I love you all! --Marie I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone. |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
awesome imagery here |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Whoa Marie.... This is probably one of the most personal poems I've read from you. Less massive symbolism, more straight-out thoughts...A few images are a bit overused, like the revolving door deal...but you put a crazy twist on other ones, like "slowly burning embers left smoldering..." and continue to include forget-me-nots *loved that*...you do express very well, Marie...and in a way with which I can connect....painfully so, but a comforting connection. (whoa, that was kinda long, hope you still love me ) (p.s...LOVE the title)~Carly "Hey! The oven's on!" "Kari! The oven's on!" "I know, Jim! I'm baking something!" [This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (01-21-2002 08:26 PM).] |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Hello chicka To start off with, well done. Much enjoyed and sadly connected with. You write with such a power...It's too hard to turn away from even when my heart is screaming not to look. It's a good thing. "The girl with the frozen eyes leans on the balcony and calls to me by my name, by her name, the name that, flowing from her lips, sounded like pure spun gold." Very cool. I had images of words floating in the air and trapping her. Seriously amazing...it's outstanding that you can provoke thoughts to that degree. "Staring through the frosted glass, she told me that my days were dwindling, and have now been turned to slowly burning embers left smoldering in the ash by the 'forget-me-now' piles." That is chilling as all hell. Once again, a good thing. I particulary like the imagery in this section. The frosted glass adds a nice touch to it; different. "I couldn't look past the lies I'd created. Couldn't see past the life I had imagined." Too easy to connect with. "Now, soaking my pillows with sorrow, I lay in the dark while her words float through my dreams." That's haunting in a sorrowful way. It reminds me of sleeping beauty in a sense...don't ask why. The whole darkness aspect of it is what caught me. You should be proud of this, marie. You've expressed yourself far beyond amazing. Once again, you've outdone yourself. Thanks for sharing. ~AF~ If this is all the world has to offer, I want a refund on my life. |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Wow, what can I say that hasn't been said before? It's poems like this that make me want to hide my poems in shame. Seriously.  This was just absolutely beautiful, enchanting, interesting, deep, emotional, and the surreal feel of it just added to the pleasure of reading it. I liked the metaphors you used in this as well. You write about darkness with much grace and beauty. Not too many people can do that. Kind of funny though that when you mentioned the girl with the frozen eyes in the beginning I thought of myself.  Then I thought, "No, you moron... she wouldn't write about you." haha Although, if you ever did... I'd be honored. Unless you said something mean.  Anywho, thank you so much for posting this! It was wonderful. Can you say "library"?  Jaime  -- the calm before the storm -- jaimespoetry.blogspot.com [This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (01-22-2002 12:12 PM).] |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
mistic - Thanks so much for the reply! Carly - Yes, this is different from the usual "style". I almost never write (much less, post) very personal work. It makes me feel so much better than you could connect... *hugs* We'll talk soon Lizzy - Thank you so much for your reply. It means so much to me... and in-depth, no less I'm glad that you enjoyed it... honestly, I didn't care as much for this one as I usually do for my work. *hugs* Thanks again, Liz.. you're awesome.Jaime - Wow, you have no idea what your reply means to me! And, just for the record, I could never write anything hurtful about you! Although, that did give me a laugh!Thanks you all. I love you guys soo much! --Marie I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone. |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
I'm going to semi steal what Jaime said I totally agree, enchanting, magical you know all those wonderful verbs, adjectives, blah blah blah..anyways you also have a way with words..I enjoyed it.. Kristen |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
Hope all is well...and what can i say, your pieces are overwhelming which I find lovely. "Now, soaking my pillows with sorrow, I lay in the dark while her words float through my dreams." Hauntingly beautiful and written with talent. ...All that a reader needs to fall in love with poetry. Thank you for that gift. "Dont piss me off. Im runing out of places to hide the bodies." |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
*sighs* It's still as beautiful as ever. If this is all the world has to offer, I want a refund on my life. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
i can feel so much pain in this. you have a way or portraying your innermost feelings so powerfully that it hits home hard several times over. *big hugs* this is really beautiful, but sad...very very sad. i wish you well munchkin  i love this. *click for the library* life's not about who wins or loses, or about whos got the better car,or the most money. it's about living,and trying to make the best of what we have. |
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DawnG
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
Fading Away, So sad, but oh so beautiful. Dawn |
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-Queth- Junior Member
since 2002-02-10
Posts 35Canada |
-Fading Away- This being my first post, as well as my first reply, this poem well deserves a standing ovation! -standing ovation- Your poem is more than just a poem. It is more than just a story. It is so much more. This is art, because it comes from a part of you. Art can only take its true form when it comes from beneath the surface to show its natural beauty to those reading, watching, and writing. An inspirational read to all. Q.u.e.t.h. Everything in between... [This message has been edited by -Queth- (02-10-2002 04:51 PM).] |
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