Teen Poetry #5 |
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Losing My Mind |
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Kaos Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317between space and time ![]() |
I’m trapped in this world a life that can bind, I can only be free by losing my mind. Swirling spiral spinning me down, Straight narrow roads in a twisted town. Dozens of faces mangled amused, Eyes are so empty lifeless abused. Stuck in a motion gone round and round, Acid rain soaking the ground. Pours down my cheek drenching my clothes, Turning my head nobody knows. Cancerous thing gnawing at me, Patiently slowly so none can see. " How can i feel if i can't breathe...?" |
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© Copyright 2001 Michael Lentini - All Rights Reserved | |||
TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
Wow.. you have a very special talent for writting this is an awsome piece I really loved it. Lauren "I just needed someone to talk to you were just to busy with yourself."-Staind |
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
Wow.. you have a very special talent for writting this is an awsome piece I really loved it. Lauren "I just needed someone to talk to you were just to busy with yourself."-Staind |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
I liked this alot, you put alot of emotion into it. "Losing your mind" isn't such a fun experience, huh? ![]() ![]() *~Fighting for your love~* |
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xShUgArHiGhx![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I use to feel this way all the time..tons of fun aint it? ha...yea right...great job in expressing yourself..nicely written and keep em coming ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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punkrockerrobin![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
i liked this poem a lot! great work! robin lauren you double poster you bad! *smacks hand* lol repeat after me: punk is the best music ever created! |
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prov1717 Member
since 2001-12-26
Posts 74NE |
i loved this poem, it flowed so good and i just well...i just liked it ![]() |
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Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I like this poem, I think it's very well written, and you expressed yourself well. However, I think that instead of spaces in the lines, you should make whole new lines. The short lines will be an added effect for the poem. JMHO.. Nicely done! I enjoyed the emotion and power. I hope to see more soon. --Marie If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway. |
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Kaos Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317between space and time |
Thanx for all the comments, it's a good feeling to know ppl like my work. As for the space in the lines... i tried it as short lines and didn't like the effect it got, i leave the spaces to represent pauses, length of the pause based on on much space. I thought using the spaces gave a lot more flexibility in the lines so that's what i went with...again, thanx for all the comments and help, it means alot to me. " How can i feel if i can't breathe...?" |
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