»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #5
»
So Much More
| Teen Poetry #5 |
|
So Much More |
|
|
MindlessPoet Member
since 2001-04-20
Posts 106Texas 
|
Adorned with the words "Hudson Hornets," It seems to be a simple shirt, But to me it is so much more... It reminds me of the time You danced with my first 'love,' When you told everyone my crush, You were still more than enough. You were my first friend, The first one to give me a chance. Now I look back and laugh, Even about the simple dance. I was shy, And you talked to me. I was alone, And you walked with me. You were there. And now I'm here. Though I'm gone, It's still clear: You were a friend, understanding and kind, And it pains me deeply to be apart. Though I doubt you recall my name, Yours will forever be engraved in my heart. It's so much more Than just a shirt. For now, all I can do is dream. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Tim Church - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
Wow.... I really liked this a lot because a lot of things I have remind me of friends I once had and have lost touch with. This is an awsome poem and keep up the great work. Lauren "I just needed someone to talk to you were just to busy with yourself."-Staind |
||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
this is so touching....sometimes I wonder if anyone has anything that reminds them of me when they see it??? Something from a day spent together, stuff like that...this made me think of all the stuff I still have tucked away, memories I cherish.....I still have the first flower a guy ever picked for me....*sigh* like it were yesterday  so to get to the point here, I love this poem  |
||
|
CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
Wow, Tim. I really liked this one. It's one of my favorites from you... One simple thing can mean so much to so many different people. Great write. Good seeing you posting some more. - Cody - |
||
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
well written, Tim...i can see objects in which it reminds me of few others that i long dont talk or even see anymore...thanks for sharing i found the poem...touching. Hey...#25437 |
||
|
Voiceless Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686Under the stars upon the wind |
The picture you create tells it all. Nicely done I like it a lot.. Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial) |
||
|
xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I agree a lot with voiceless...this poem is very good...sometimes a simple thing is more than it seems to be. ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
||
|
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I like this one. I like the way you opened it, making the reader want to read on to see what you're talking about. But the staggered rhyme scheme is distracting. Some stanzas don't rhyme at all: "It reminds me of the time You danced with my first 'love,' When you told everyone my crush, You were still more than enough." While others, the rhyme scheme picked right up as if it had never been lost: "You were my first friend, The first one to give me a chance. Now I look back and laugh, Even about the simple dance." It's a well written poem, and you portrayed what you wanted to. But getting through the poem is hard for the reader. JHMO. Maybe changing it around a little bit would help As for the context, this just goes to show how such simple things make such an impact on the heart. Nice work. Enjoyed, as always --Marie If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway. |
||
|
anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Oh things like that are so annoying. I can't look at ice-cream vans the same way ever again thanks to some idiot that ruined them for me.  Anyway, thanks for sharing this piece. I enjoyed reading it. ~AF~ If this is all the world has to offer, I want a refund on my life. |
||
|
punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
i liked this poem a lot! great work! omg!! you're a hottie!!! lol! sorry robin can't help her boy craziness! robin repeat after me: punk is the best music ever created! [This message has been edited by poeticgirl01 (12-28-2001 02:52 AM).] |
||
|
Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
I REALLY liked this...it did painted a story that many people can relate to and I thought it was well written. I hope to see more... Thanks for sharing... ~Nikki~ Smile!! You never know who may be falling in love with it... |
||
|
prov1717 Member
since 2001-12-26
Posts 74NE |
great poem! all i can say is i know where you are coming from, how one little thing..one word, one look, or one dance means so much more than anyone can know. you aren't a familiar name to me, but i haven't been here that long...so i look forward to reading more of your stuff. leslie |
||
|
sleepymoongirl Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 157bc canada |
idk i enjoy reading your poems because they flow nicely and have hope and happiness in them and i can understand it =D hope to read more from you as u go in life there will be ur hardships it is up to u if it makes u or breaks u. |
||
|
Devils Angel 666 Member
since 2001-11-30
Posts 71CT, USA |
I thought that this was a very well writen poem. It paints a very vivid picture and makes me feel as if I'm going throught the same feelings as you. I can relate to this in meny ways but I'll spare you and others from reading them! Very good poem. I liked it alot. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
