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Her solemn sweetness (5000th)
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Her solemn sweetness (5000th) |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
The tempests hand stroked the face Of a girl implored to sit before The ghastly chills of winters harsh erase Where irrelevant meanings its freeze bore. Dancing upon the devils chair of virgins blood, And tasselled dreams now tangled hair, Which wove the centre of dementia Engraving in ink thoughts lab'lling despair. She swam and cried yet ceased to breathe! As ashes of disease added to the demise, In the maidens efforts to fully heave The dense air of her fatal surprise. A scent, sweeter than any rose bud near, Cast its spell, a descent to beat her For in the mud soaked through with blood, She lay poisoned by hells toxic spur. Coughing, perhaps yearning for the taste of air, She quickly choked whilst death stroked, Bitterness nursed by a cold hard stare, In which only sadness was provoked. Yet she cried and still did pine, For the taste of sweetness not yet tried! Even though in her tomb of shiv'ring doom Heavenly smells lay by her side. Trapped! Trapped was she in her golden box Her patience a test by the eternal jest, Of deadly fairies wanting to steal the locks, From which her grieving soul did possess. Flowers of a sweetness still not yet tasted, Circled the river of a portrait painted thrill, Upon which the soul did not console Her shadows piercing scream so shrill. A haze perhaps to blind herself Was set about to indeed cast doubt To swoon and sway, to sit on a shelf, And in a deafening silence to probably shout. At what? The skeletal frame wrapped in cloth? When she may have been much more than a game And the lights did dance for the hope of chance, That dear life would maybe remain. ------------------ Well this is the 5000th. *dances* ~AF~ Caution: Filling is hot. [This message has been edited by anonymousfemale (edited 12-14-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Elizabeth Johnson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
"Even though in her tomb of shiv'ring doom Heavenly smells lay by her side."  Congratulations on 5,000 Elizabeth! Such a powerful piece to mark this milestone. Thanks for passing it by me before posting. As I said ... I found this piece to be dark, yet I found that what you were exploring was the struggle of one's soul in the afterlife. In my opinion you've explored this area in almost a dizzying, spiralling sense ... a powerful piece. Congratulations again!  Best wishes, /Kit |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Wow Lizzy, I'm always amazed and thrilled by your level of creativity. It's usually just dead on This is no exception, wonderfully written, and a great one for your 5000th.  Congrats on the number!!!  Wooo hoooooJenn "I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..." |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
5000!!! Wow! *gives a standing ovation*What a wonderful piece to mark such a special number! Dark and deep, and very creative. Thank you so much for posting! See you on pip...Sincerely, Titus |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
WiddaWiddabeff! Yo. ^_^ MAN! That was one heck of a post...and you're at 5000??? ALREADY!? Oye... This one blew me away. It just seemed to keep on going, deeper and deeper, darker and darker... Your title suggests a different view of sweetness, instead of the giddy kind of sweetness. Very nice. ^^ Your rhyming was just...mazing. It was so full of everything...it kind of hurt. o_O; But this...this is quite the poem! Congrats on the 5000th! ^___^ (Whoa, lookit all the zeros!) Consider it another read to be repeated...err...yes...you know what I mean. *nods* ++ Leah ++ Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
OMG!! Elizabeth!!! ceci était. ..wow. j'allais constamment whoa. .wow...*shakes* whoa. ..wow. vous recevez le vibe. Est-ce que votre poésie est stupéfiante. ..did je JAMAIS vous dis combien j'aime et a manqué vos morceaux? quand même! CONGRATS sur le 5000 vous pour ainsi faire beaucoup d'avec chaque poste pour beaucoup de vies [je parie yah ] "Qui a tissé le centre de Graver de dementia dans le laboratoire de pensées d'encre' le désespoir de lling." Est-ce que ces vers ont commencé à la secousse m'avec la jouissance? l'étonnement? [mis savoir pourquoi] Général l'entier morceau est sombre et morceau. a aimé l'histoire disant et rym et comment il a semblé pendant que lit. ..Beautiful écriture. L'écriture véritablement exquise. Je verrai que votre est vers et reçoit pour vous parler avec espoir bientôt...prendre le soin, le copain.  Hey...#25437 What! You in there? Yea, im in here. ok [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 12-14-2001).] |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
cant wait to see your next masterpiece...*click* lol.Hey...#25437 |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
"Trapped! Trapped was she in her golden box Her patience a test by the eternal jest, Of deadly fairies wanting to steal the locks, From which her grieving soul did possess. Flowers of a sweetness still not yet tasted, Circled the river of a portrait painted thrill, Upon which the soul did not console Her shadows piercing scream so shrill."  oh WOW! this totaly took my breath away. you always stike me dumb whenever you post something of yours up  you wrote this beautifully. the images were haunting- not many ppl can write in a way that leaves the reader contemplating a poem long after its been read, but you seemed to do that every time. im loving this poem to nirvana and back    Congrats on the Five-oh-oh-oh! er>looking forward to the next 5,ooo? YOU BETCHA!  again, kick butt post! |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
*click*  |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
That was awesome! The length and ryhme sceme made it so cool. Another great one. Congrats on 5000! Jon "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
I can't rip on this.Excellent job, and congrats on 5000, you got me beat. "and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Hello everyone! Kit - The darkness was what I was going for. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Jenn - The number!! lol Creative, nah but thanks you for your kind words. Titus - Thanks for the praise  Good to see you enjoyed it. Leah!! - Yep, at 5000 already. Man...you're right, that is a lot of numbers.  The rhyme in this is actually the thing I'm most proud of. Pop around PIP a little more. Albertia - Grazie Mille. Dude! I don't speak French but I speak Italian so if you wrote your reply in Italian I might have a clue. I can gather what it says though so merci. *Char-ish* - To Nirvana and back, eh? Glad to see that I left an impression. I figured with this I'd go for something a little different and try to put a bit of structure to it. Jon - Thank ya. Like I said with Leah, the rhyme scheme in this is what I'm really proud of. Thanks for reading. Fozzy - Thanks for the compliments. They're always appreciated coming from a writer like yourself. Once again, grazie to everyone that stopped by and read!! ~AF~ anonymousfemale |
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sweetlilangel Junior Member
since 2001-12-05
Posts 26 |
This was wonderful. You have a great way of being creative. I can see how this is you 5000th! Great job i can't wait to read more!! Don't be sad because it's over smile because it happened! |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
~*LIBRARY TIME!!!*~ là où est mon amour? |
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