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Wood_Stock
Member

since 2001-05-09

Posts 58
The little yellow

0 posted 2001-07-06 09:31 AM

- Shallow rivers run Deep -

The little stream gurgles,
Merrily by.
The innocents laugh as a stone,
They let fly.

As it lands in the stream,
The water goes 'plop'.
And it slowly descends down the,
Vast hurtful drop.

As the playful still laugh, the stream,
It flows on.
Still carrying the burden, of a stone,
Never gone.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-07-06 09:54 AM

no, the stones never do leave.....unless a soft hand reaches in and takes it away......and sometimes they do take the stones away....yet sadly most remain....wow..I liked this very much

great writing

Kicking Kim
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!

2 posted 2001-07-06 12:28 PM

Wow, this was incredible I loved it! Kep writing!!

^*~Kicking Kim~*^

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

3 posted 2001-07-06 08:19 PM

Yet another great job Noel.

Keep 'em coming.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-07-06 10:42 PM

The analogy you used here is awesome.  The burdens of stone... *sigh* Most permanent, unfortunately.
Nice work!  VERY well done.  I enjoyed this a lot.  The format of the poem was impressive.  the rhyme scheme stood out.
The message was very clear, and I agree with every word of the poem.
Excellent

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

5 posted 2001-07-07 02:49 AM

I really liked this one! Great job. I never have been able to use analogies from nature... But you did it very well. I liked it.

- Cody -

If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

6 posted 2001-07-07 02:54 PM

enjoyed greatly

...came quite beautiful...the last stanza hit me.

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 07-07-2001).]

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

7 posted 2001-07-07 03:09 PM

This was a wonderful poem. The format was awesome, and the personification you used was wonderful. Keep up the great poetry!

*Amanda*
I need more time to find the real me...
to fly like the birds... to be set free.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

8 posted 2001-07-09 12:11 PM

Wow this was pretty awesome poetry here. I loved the way you described it all. VERY well done!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

9 posted 2001-07-10 03:07 AM

How very interesting. This one little piece can explain so much. Well done on an excellent sample of great writing.

~AF~

Never speak disrespectfully of Society. Only people who can't get into it do that.
~ Oscar Wilde ~

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

10 posted 2001-07-18 12:34 PM

~*standing ovation*~

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

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