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lone_poet707
Member

since 2001-11-17

Posts 70
black hole named Aylmer

0 posted 2001-12-12 09:17 PM

I can't believe
I'm losing sleep over u.
It can't be true,
these feelings just won't leave,
even after your suffocating
yet innocent looking
jaws tore my heart
and soul apart,
leaving me cold and lifeless.

My heart u held in retention,
in eternal imprisonment
with malevolent intentions.
An archangel hellbent
on improving me,
when my imperfections
are what set me
apart from everyone...

MindlessPoet
Member

since 2001-04-20

Posts 106
Texas

1 posted 2001-12-12 11:53 PM

for some reason the second stanza stuck out as better, not sure why. I like how you expressed the feeling of it in those lines

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2001-12-13 08:31 PM

"An archangel hellbent
on improving me,
when my imperfections
are what set me
apart from everyone..."

Those lines are so incredibly strong but very sad. It's amazing the people we lose sleep over. We know they're horrible and worth nothing in our minds but in our hearts we can't let go. *sigh*

Take care of yourself and thanks for sharing.

~AF~

Caution: Filling is hot.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-12-24 06:46 PM

"yet innocent looking
jaws tore my heart
and soul apart,
leaving me cold and lifeless."

"when my imperfections
are what set me
apart from everyone..."

the last lines were the most heart hitting for me...i related. wow...

Hey...#25437
What!
You in there?
Yea, im in here.
ok

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (12-24-2001 07:06 PM).]

Voiceless
Senior Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind

4 posted 2001-12-24 09:48 PM

I love that last stanza so many truthes
in one stanza.. Great job.

Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial)

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

5 posted 2001-12-24 11:59 PM

really great poem...i've felt this way many times before..too many times actually...i hope you dont continue feeling this way b/c these feelings suck..::hugs:: feel better

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

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