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lone_poet707
Member

since 2001-11-17

Posts 70
black hole named Aylmer

0 posted 2001-12-12 09:15 PM

U love to watch me
struggle beneath ur iron grip
of malicious oppression.
I drown in this murky sea
of hopeless depression
while my heart u proceed to rip
to bloody extermination.
Slowly yet surely u pick at my pride,
riding ur sinister ego trip
until u find there's nothing left for me
to hide...

~*brittt*~
Member

since 2001-05-09

Posts 76
East Haddam, CT

1 posted 2001-12-13 09:44 AM

wow i really like this poem. i know what you mean. someone can just find your weak spots and they rip you apart and it almost seems like they love watching you it happpen. i hate how some people can have so much control over you. anyway i really hope that everything works out for you!
~britt~

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

2 posted 2001-12-13 10:04 AM

Second-to-last line, is the word "nothing" supposed to be "nowhere"?

I enjoyed this poem.  I would suggest instead of using "ur" to spell out "your".  It would make it a little easier to read.
You have some nice ideas going here.  I liked the use to "-tion" words.  It gave nice meter.

Well done.  Enjoyed, as always

--Marie

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

3 posted 2001-12-13 08:47 PM

Oh I love this piece. You've written about such a common occurence but added a lot of power to it. Don't let this person get to you too much, as hard as that might be.

Thanks for sharing.

~AF~

Caution: Filling is hot.

lone_poet707
Member

since 2001-11-17

Posts 70
black hole named Aylmer

4 posted 2001-12-15 09:01 PM

In response to "Fading Away", it is supposed to be "...nothing left for me to hide...". It signifies that the person causing all the pain had taken all my deepest, darkest secrets and placed them in the open. Hence, I had no privacy and "nothing to hide".
-Joe

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-12-21 02:21 PM

You are probably better awya form this person
No one can do bad things to you unless you allow them to
keep that in mind

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.

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