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Teen Poetry #5
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eve_winters
Junior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 12
Michigan

0 posted 2001-12-01 01:47 AM


Starting my life after
a long 19 years
mulling about like
Hellen Keller
groping at the world
opening my eyes
to a bright new world
and
self discovery could be the death of me
but i suppose this is what i'm fighting for...
to be a leaf fluttering the in the chaotic wind
waiting to find the rhyme and reason
in this, my brand new season

© Copyright 2001 eve_winters - All Rights Reserved
Streen
Member
since 2001-11-28
Posts 169

1 posted 2001-12-01 10:45 AM


This is a very good poem, but I'm confused a little bit by the title. Is that Spanish or sommat? I know that the traditional Latin phrase which would apply to this poem is "tabula rasa" and I'm wondering if perhaps you mixed them up. But then again, it could be a different language than Latin.

-Derek

Poet Unknown
Member
since 2001-08-14
Posts 140
Missouri
2 posted 2001-12-01 11:13 AM


hi kid when did you join? :P its a good poem

Do as you please....strike forth down upon your knees...Darkness Falls on Those Without Souls

eve_winters
Junior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 12
Michigan
3 posted 2001-12-01 04:10 PM


derek- play on words more than any language...ros(e)a...blooming, anew, suppose i could have done it in a different way  
Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
4 posted 2001-12-02 09:05 PM


"but i suppose this is what i'm fighting for...
to be a leaf fluttering the in the chaotic wind
waiting to find the rhyme and reason"

Those were my favorite lines of this piece.  Speaks directly to everyone, as this sums up life in general, I think.  Nicely done, I enjoyed it.  The title did confuse a tad also, but I followed the poem.  Nice work  

--Marie

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway.

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-12-04 01:13 AM


I enjoyed this poem. Well written and very good.  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
6 posted 2001-12-09 12:04 PM


interesting post.....thanks for sharing

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?


anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
7 posted 2001-12-10 08:05 AM


I do like the message in this piece, Eve. Like Marie said, it speaks to everyone.

I'll look forward to reading more of your pieces in the future.
Thanks for sharing.

~AF~

"When I eat I feel. It is better if I don't feel, I am too afraid." - Ellen West

xShUgArHiGhx
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Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
8 posted 2001-12-10 10:04 AM


Very interesting..short and sweet..i liked it  

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
9 posted 2001-12-11 08:07 AM


Hi,

I am intrigued by the title of this one.

this is a wonderful poem with a distinct purpose...

all in all, a nice poem

Your profile says no critiques, but I would still like to say that there is a 'the' too much in the line "to be a leaf fluttering the in the chaotic wind"...
looks like a definite typo...

thanks for sharing...

Regards,
Sudhir

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