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Teen Poetry #5
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Elements of the Dead
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Elements of the Dead |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... 
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Elements of the Dead A thousand lives turn below And displace the earth, opening it up Before being slowly covered in snow. Their homes now, are cold and still. Yet fires erupt from deep within, And scorch them despite the outside chill. Trapped within their rudimentary wombs As icy water seeps, snake like, through mounds of soil, Slowly congesting their dark embryonic tombs Breaths of being haunt and howl Methodically, through souls, like an incensed raging wind, Sanctioning an immutable lamenting yowl. In their minds an abandoned cobweb throbs. No heart beats for the long interred. Just a pulsating spirit, void of life and overcome with sobs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ maybe im just trying too hard...blah! Interred- buried i luve mi con-tray! lyke a big an brown stetch olan wiv losa sun! [This message has been edited by cherish (edited 11-30-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 cherish - All Rights Reserved | |||
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dastard Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55in tearing silence |
awww... why can't I be happy to read such an excellent poem huh?  {place random, but good, sig HERE} |
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Knight of Secrecy Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 113San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Hey, good poem here, if you think you are trying to hard then take it slow, don't push it too much. -C.M. |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Hmmm...what I try to do if I think I'm trying too hard is to simplify what I want to say! Just remember that your most dangerous weapon is yoru mind...and if things get to complicated---simply your thoughts! I enjoyed this one...just maybe simply it abit more! It could be the fact that I just woke up and my brain is switched to "Off"...I don't know! *yawn* "Fighting was the only thing I was good at...but I at least I always fought for what I beleived in..." |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Hey, i read this before and i liked it. I still like it, I don't think my opinion about the poem would change in a day. Anyhow, Mua! Wonderful poem. Pretty sad and dark. *shivers* Hope to see more!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
CHERISH!!!!!! *runs up and gives you a huge hug* I missed you so much! This piece was absolutely amazing. Very beautiful work. You haven't lost your tough! The vocabulary throughout was awesome! The whole language of the poem really set the tone. "rudimentary".. whew!  Oh, and I also really like the HTML. It added lots of cool effects. I think this is a fine piece, and the dark feel to it just tops it off. You're a wonderful writer, what can I say?I'm scooting now... rambling isn't a good thing for someone like me! *hugs* --Marie If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car. [This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 11-30-2001).] |
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
Very amazing poem I love it just like all of your other poems.Keep up the awsome work I can't wait to read more. Lauren |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
custard~ hehhe..i wont force you to read my poem next time- i know i know...im cruel...its in my nature i can help it!  c~ advice taken  im glad you took the time to read. thanks  kiddo~ simplify my thoughts!  ive only got three pieces of dust floating round my head...*sigh*...ok simplify them i will...doctors orders dopes~ *hands you a coat* thanks for replying here- ya didnt have to, but im glad you took the time.  marie~ *jumps marie with a HUGE hug* ive missed you SOOOO much! im so glad you replied- it means a lot to me. hehe rudimentry? i remember finding out that that meant in history class six years ago...kinda like one of my frist "big-more-then-two-syllables" word after "environment"  ...thank you so muchfor taking the time to read. you should post a few things for us to devour too! lauren~ thank you for reading, its always nice to see you around...keep posting! |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
trying to hard? what you mean by that? this is an excellent post, boy I almost missed it too *standing ovation* I didn't know you had it in you thanks for the marvelous read là où est mon amour? |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
*mental note: Look harder next time for missed pieces*  Cherish, wow. You never cease to amaze me. The whole style of this piece is very cool and the wording is exceptional! You've struck a chord in this heart and made me quite gloomy. Nonetheless, it shows what a great writer you truly are if you can do so! Grazie mille for sharing this! Into the library it's going. ~AF~ "When I eat I feel. It is better if I don't feel, I am too afraid." - Ellen West |
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rolly_polly Junior Member
since 2001-10-10
Posts 41puerto rico |
Hey Cherish! This was a very good and intresting read...love the ending, very very dark and I LIKE! Anyway i hope to see more soon. Laterz  ~parallel universe~ |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
Oi! VERY dark and gloomish...i like your sytle of writing...and trying too hard?...you aint trying to hard, hell...its pure talent i found it thought-provoking as well...since i didnt exactly know a word or two?  HeHe...see you around poet.Hey...#25437 |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
I like this poem, dark as it may be. Sorry for dissappearing for so long, but moving sucks. I know how trying to hard makes you think it is a bad poem, but this is not bad at all! |
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Alyssa
since 2001-05-30
Posts 385IM ENGAGED!!!!! |
I like this poem actaully. I usually like most of your poems anyway but i dunno why i just really like this one...dunno. Thanks for sharing. [This post has been created by Alyssa, be joyous she has graced you with her pressence!!!] |
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MindlessPoet Member
since 2001-04-20
Posts 106Texas |
I like you.. this is good and your message excouraging critiques is humouring I would like to join whoever it was in saying about your vocabulary usage: wow.For now, all I can do is dream. |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Amazing like always, another great piece for the libary me thinks keep on writing ~The feelings are all replaced and the words are all decayed but its another day~ "My Vitriol" |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA |
I ain't trying to figure out you or nothing, but you bring your past back a lot into this. It's not like you don't want to let it go, it just you can't cause you are living the past in the present? Ronil Ronil (One becomes god only when they have fully understood the role of being a human being.) |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Your writing is great..i absolutely love the way you express things..wonderful post yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
very nice.. and dark |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
I love your poems cherish This one included..I'm always myslef. Isn't that enough for you? |
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Demonic Illusion Member
since 2002-02-07
Posts 50 |
*lights a candle to light up the dark and nods his head* that was sweet |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
Very intriguing and very spooky all in one!!! Amazingly done how do you do it? Kristen |
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C? Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 190 |
hey hey cherish! I love your use of vocabulary! If I had your vocabulary, well, I know what I'd do! |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
I think that no matter how old it is...your work can easily find itself in the ranks of heroes! Others are too in love with the sound of their own voice to speak the truth... |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
took me a long time to come back to this didnt it?  toona- trying too hard means im just trying to hard to make it sound like "something". there are some pieces of poetry i love and others which i dont and the reason this is a bit on the off side with me is that i was trying too hard on the technical aspects of it instead of the content. make sense? thanks for reading it..i got a standing ovation! *smiles* lizzy- thanks for the reply...didnt know it was possible to stike a chord in anyones heart..but ive managed to this time.. thanks for reading chica!Rola- thank you sweetie..^_^ alberta- you shoulda told me which words you didnt know..i dont set out to write a poem which ppl cant understand y'know ~_* thanks for replying little one! rich- thanks for your encouragement..and moovin aint such a bad thing..you get to leave all the bad stuff behind! alyssa- LOL! kudos! MP-  ...wow right back at you! you like me? really?^_^...d'you think you couild come down here to aussie?j/k..thanks for reading and replying!andy- as long as you keep reading, ill keep replying ok? ronil- i liked your thoughts on my poems...so its ok if you want to 'stalk' my poems a bit more. about this being a piece about my being stuck in the past. im sorry but it wasnt. like i said before, i felt as though i were trying to hard to make it feel like a poem. playing around withthe technical aspects more then the emotional part of it. the poem is essentially and exploration of death and what i would imagine death to be like. the elements being earth, water, fire, wind, and the spiritual element :heart and how whilst we're living we have these things but while we're dead we lose the thing that kept us alive the heart and love. poeple die, their loved ones mourn for a while, but the long dead have no one to mourn for them. and it makes death seem all the more complete. just hoped that clarfied a few things for you :-) thanks for taking such an intrest in my poems..i really appreciate it! michele- thanks for stopping by girly! mistic- the darker the better- aint that the way it goes?..thanks for reading. regi- and i say the very asme thing about your poems..more regi..MORE! kyles- *giggles* thats so cute...'tis pretty dark aint it? kris- i have NO idea! c- What would you do deary? i want to read more from ok acha? kiddo-  ...naaaw..not really..but thanks for the bump!My england is goodly- are you strudable? |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
woah. This is the best piece of read in a long time. And I mean LooOOOong time. Glad you posted this cherish hun and that it was bumped up a couple times for me to see it. Going to my library to join the rest of your great pieces. *hugs*..tiff.. “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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