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Teen Poetry #5
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(Working Title) Two World Collide
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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(Working Title) Two World Collide |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA 
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OK, this poem is about love. I love Becky and as far as I'm concerned I'lla lways love her unconditionally. I know, seems childing, but tha'ts not the point of this. There's a girl who actually made me question whether I was right. I decided...well that's the poem's job, was to tell me. This situation is a what if, becuase this girl has apparently liked me longer than I've known Becky. I wrote this for Jenn, not the Jenn I've written about before (for those of you who know her, yes Jenn Greenwell, don't talk to her about this PLEASE). I hope it's alright, I just wrote it in about 10 minutes, I don't care about technical reviews, or any for that matter but if you are going to say something, make sure it's not about "well this should be here and..." just don't dot aht to me right now, thanks people! I didn’t see No one told me I think I wish I’d known or not Too much would change on the spot I would lose I would GAIN But she would lose while another yea I can’t change, but would I if it were that day? If I then did What would be hid? I would have a girl I could hold in my arms And I would be able to kiss and feel her charms I could hold And be bold We could go sit in a beautiful spot Smile, Cuddle, hold hands and whatnot If it was then I wouldn’t pen Anything showing problems of heart I would be happy, and think apart To change my life Change the carving knife I could never hurt someone such Unless I knew there would be problems much So then what Would show but? I would break a heart and turn my back Could I live with myself for such marks black? I’ve never thought “maybe it’s not” because I’ve known she’s the one for me a long time my heart knew it’d be You’re cool Jenn More than most and then You’re a great, intelligent person and Above smash brothers you stand I don’t want to Lose you too Like I did with Alicia in the same tugs I need that good of a friend to share hugs Smile please Do it with ease I want you to be happy if I can ever be So I’ll help you and you can help me No angels in heaven nor demons below the sea, could ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee |
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| © Copyright 2001 Bryan W. Holmes - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
hi...i guess i haven't see you around, but nice post. I guess it poses many questions about how you feel and it's a great piece because you have been able to get all that out and keep the form. if you want the critique of the poem, i only think you could clarify it a bit more. other than that i really like the questions you pose, have you found the answers? Salma |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Note: Whenever I pose questions to nobody in particular, they recieve answers in the poem. That's actually a specific poem coming from me right now: it's concise and contains itself. OK, enough of me talking. No angels in heaven nor demons below the sea, could ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee |
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Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
This one's a good one, but I found it a little hard to follow. I don't know why, I think your syllable count threw me off. I like it though! ~I am a computer genius... Hey! How do you turn this thing on?!? |
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