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Knight of Secrecy
Member

since 2001-10-12

Posts 113
San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2001-11-08 07:45 PM

And our eyes
           will  fall

Freezing thoughts.
entomb me where I lay
Entwine these lines
upon my dying day

Hope will lurk
life will crawl
And a lie will be carved
upon  your headstone

Someone permanently scarred
Some stone permanently  faded
And our eyes will fall
upon the words

-C.M.

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

1 posted 2001-11-08 07:51 PM

Powerful piece you have a very special talent keep up the awsome work I really liked this one.
Lauren

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

2 posted 2001-11-08 08:38 PM

I really liked this. It was very well done.

I just loved the way you expressed this one.

~Someone permanently scarred
Some stone permanently faded
And our eyes will fall
upon the words~

Just wonderful.

Jenn

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

K. Rebel
Junior Member

since 2001-10-21

Posts 40
San Juan, PR

3 posted 2001-11-08 08:59 PM

Freezing thoughts.
entomb me where I lay

Thats damn good man I really liked this one man

En las palabras de un buen puertorriqueño te quedo bichote

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

4 posted 2001-11-08 10:56 PM

Damn Jenn...She stole my favorite stanza as well...

Okay, SO I'm confused...Which one are you? You Puerto Ricans keep coming in by the hand fulls...Most of which I already know...Like Laura, Mariola, Jorge some of which I know regretfully...*Ahem*...Javier...While others I wish would come back, Felipe. (Speak of the devil- haven't talked ot him in forever) LOL, so ya- And your name would be? Or is that to remain private...GRrr..

As for the poem, Twas deeply enjoyed ...each and every line. Very well expressed indeed and I am looking forward to reading much more from you in the hopefully very near future. Seriously though, I really did LOVE that last stanza...I Loved how it began...Very well done, in my opinion (And obviously Jenn's as well.)

Thanks for the read man...
Twas a pleasure.

-Jesa T.

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

[This message has been edited by Spice (edited 11-08-2001).]

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

5 posted 2001-11-09 01:49 AM

This is probably the best poem I have read from you. You did a good job with not overworking the "dark" buzz words, and making it more of a tone than a theme. That worked very nicely for me.

Theo

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-11-09 02:42 AM

I liked the poem. I thought the imagery was wonderful.
You did a great job within the last few lines. It was really powerful.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

7 posted 2001-11-09 10:04 AM

Great job!!!!!!!!!!!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

8 posted 2001-11-09 06:42 PM

This was really dark and gloomy, but I liked that about it. It's got a lot of depth to it.

~*Nikki*~

~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

9 posted 2001-11-10 05:10 PM

This is a good piece of writing, here, you have a depth, don't know how old you are but this is really very good.

Kathleen
nickname "Kay"
also wrote as The Lady of Shallot
"be true to yourself"

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

10 posted 2001-11-10 09:03 PM

Hmm, very dark. I like dark poems, then again, I like most types of poems. This is an exeptionally deep peice, probably better than one such as myself can recognize. Keep up the great work.

*Rich*

Don't Drink and Park!
Accidents may cause People!

sweetstuff101
Member

since 2000-07-27

Posts 375
OK, USA

11 posted 2001-11-10 09:24 PM

I really like this poem. It's really beautiful...

~*~Priscilla~*~

*Nous aimons et nous vivons*
*Nous vivons et nous aimons*

fulanodetal3684
Junior Member

since 2001-10-10

Posts 19

12 posted 2001-11-11 01:50 PM

I just think you are very talented and every one of your poems have been great, keep up the good work!

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

13 posted 2001-11-27 01:32 AM

ACK! in the library NOW!

.......awesome poem carlos...i hate you for writing so well...

you know i enjoy them...but theres this green monster sitting on my shoulder and it grows bigger everytime i come here...
loved this piece...very well done

i luve mi con-tray! lyke a big an brown stetch olan wiv losa sun!

Le Capitan de L'Amour
Member

since 2000-07-15

Posts 60

14 posted 2001-11-27 08:00 AM

Hey chico que pasa!, este poema esta bueno, si eres de puerto rico, esta buenisimo esto sigue escribiendo.

Chel
Senior Member

since 2000-07-01

Posts 511
Baltimore, MD, USA

15 posted 2001-11-27 03:04 PM

Nice work.

Chel

"True friends stab you in the front."
"You are special and unique in your own way." "Your FAITH is all you need"

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