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Teen Poetry #5
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The Climb
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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The Climb |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg 
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The Climb When all seems just, consice and fair And nothing is amiss For every frown there is prayer Resounding in a hiss Such sweet dismay this fortune brings Farewell to Earth, and earthly things If I, to sky, my finger ply And point and laugh at God A climber on a whim will cry While walkers will applaud No mercy, as the climber sings Farewell to Earth, and earthly things How dreadful are the poor aligned It makes me dimly smirk As it must take a prison'd mind To make your practice work For each ascent, a church bell rings Farewell to Earth, and earthly things Upon your cheek your failure runs Abandons levity Come join us, the enlightened ones The church of gravity His fingers tired, he prays for wings Farewell to Earth, and earthly things [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (edited 11-07-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
impressive~i was lost until the end (but dont worry thats normal for me haha) i get it now..great job. cant wait to read more! *dq **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
Great poem I lvoed it keep up the awsome work I can't wait to read more of your poerty. Lauren |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Great work!! I really enjoyed this!  ~*Nikki*~ ~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~ |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
WOW!! Great work here...nicely done!! ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Well now. I do understand this one. Not a big fan of organized religion and God I take it? This was very well written, though I don't completley agree with the message behind it. ~It makes me dimly smirk As it must take a prison'd mind To make your practice work~ Did I understand these words accurately? As in a belief in God or higher power only comes to those with closed, feeble minds? And that those who are more open to reality understand there is no truth to it? Please explain if I am wrong. Jenn "I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..." |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
"His fingers tired, he prays for wings Farewell to Earth, and earthly things" amazing...beautiful and loving it...as well did i relate...the repitition worked wonderfully. =) |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
I can see this one bringing a debate. But it was rather well written, good job. Liefhe alle ten spijte van duivel... A tes souhaits... A tes amours... Qu ils restent. Jatdore. |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
I'm speechless. Well, not quite in that way...I suppose speechless for critiques. ^_^ *GAH!!!!* The symbolism of it all! The images, the wording, the rhyming, the flow, the meter (I especially love the meter.)!!! And it all fell into place for you, as well as for the reader, which is always good if you want anything to make sense. ^^; The vocabulary you used was exceptionally well fitting to the piece. No favorite stanzas or lines here. They were all good! ^_^ You have a gift, even if you are a local parasite...so consider this a piece for the library. I'm virtually impressed. And thanks for your encouraging replies to my poems. Much appreciated of the favor. ^___^ Kudos! ++ Leah ++ Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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Knight of Secrecy Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 113San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This is nice. Good poem. |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
wow, i liked this 1 ALOT! this wuz awesum  ugh, my life is like a soap opera, everyday something new comes along and makes it 10x worse |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
oh man this is AWESOME mr. milk!...it reminded me a lot about Wumpscut and their lyrics  . i think you did an excelent job of this one theo. definately a library piece! keep writing poet.... |
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Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
well i have read some of your work but i seem to have missed this one so i'm repling to it now. its very good and plz keep it up. can't wait to see more my friend. I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson- |
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