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hoppy
Member

since 2000-01-27

Posts 271

0 posted 2001-10-23 05:51 PM

Hidden

You walked through the valley of hidden trees
Gracing through shadows soft as the breeze;
Your dance charmed the creatures and pleased the man,
Hold out your hand and allow the dove to land,
It wishes to know from where it came
Except you and the dove, the world is to blame.
A rainbow falls from a cloud through the sky
A voice bellowed from above saying she will die
He had sent her so i had no control
I just wished she didn't have to go
I could only watch when she fell to the ground.
She then departed and I heard a voice soft in tone
Before me I saw the tree for a moment
Then what i couldn't see was gone

---Written by:Hoppy

What is it you have to answer?
But to answer you have to ask?
And to ask you have to speak?
And to speak you have to know,
The answer.

hoppy
Member

since 2000-01-27

Posts 271

1 posted 2001-10-23 10:58 PM

come on, this is a piece of art here! I deserve atleast a little recognition!

i could be bounded in a nut shell and count myself king of infinite space

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2001-10-24 07:57 AM

"You walked through the valley of hidden trees"

I thought the first line was extremely interesting in the way you worded it...it also reminded me of Coolio's song "as i walk through the valley of the shadows and death..." LoL n e wayz....I dunno why no ones replied to this yet (except for yourself lol) But im glad im the first one

i feel special now

....I thought this was a very good piece!! Nice job!!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

3 posted 2001-10-24 11:40 PM

no critique flag hoppy? i had a few pointers for this. *sighs*..good enough poem, different content to the rest of teen, so the change was welcomed. keep them kicking.

"......",said the wise mute.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

4 posted 2001-10-24 11:46 PM

I like this one! Sorry I missed it before!

Keep writing!

It takes more work to love myself than to love others... I guess that explains it, eh?

hoppy
Member

since 2000-01-27

Posts 271

5 posted 2001-10-25 12:37 PM

of course it's different content...it's imaginative, don't see much of it anymore

i could be bounded in a nut shell and count myself king of infinite space

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

6 posted 2001-10-25 03:05 AM

much of imagination? *raises an eyebrow*...theres quite a bit of imagination to be found around here hoppy....youd be surprised.

"......",said the wise mute.

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

7 posted 2001-10-25 09:21 AM

It reminds me of a mythological legend. Or maybe a fairy tale. The ones with forests, and magical sprites...lol This was cool. Nice work.

Jenn

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

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