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AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

0 posted 2001-10-16 09:13 PM

This one isn't supposed to make sense...
--------------------------------------------------

Like a Shadow in the Dark
the sound of silence screams out,
security is lost and
even you begin to doubt.

Walls you've built around yourself
have locked the demons inside,
the chains you've put onto your soul
leave you with no where to hide.

You're lost in your own creation
not knowing which way to turn,
you step back and watch the hopes fall
and give up all common concern.

From here there is no turning back
you can't erase what you've done,
you've burned too many bridges
and now its you that they all shun.

The only light that can shine
is too bright to see in this dark,
your mission to self destruct
was a lonely one to embark.

You only have yourself to blame
if the light of love won't spark,
for you are just screaming out
Like a Shadow in the Dark.

Kosetsu
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 450
Alabama, USA

1 posted 2001-10-16 09:19 PM

Mwahaa! You know how I feel bout this one Ali. Veddy veddy groovy! Keep doing this type of poetry...so dark and groovyful.

-Adam

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice Doggy' while you search for a rock." - Will Rogers

Knight of Secrecy
Member

since 2001-10-12

Posts 113
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-10-16 10:07 PM

Very good poem, nice feel to it.
-CM.

holatuwol
Member

since 2001-04-27

Posts 72
California, USA

3 posted 2001-10-17 09:21 PM

You make it sound like there's only one way to read a poem... ^^  If that were the case, no poet would probably ever want to write again... poetry is no different than prose in the fact that it can be read in multiple ways... and maybe there's someone out there who can give this poem meaning. ^_^  So have heart and don't think that "the poem isn't supposed to make sense" is a bad thing... no poem is supposed to make sense.  It only hopes to. ^_^

In any case... o.o;  This is the same rhyme scheme that I use, and it has the same echo and flow that many of my poems have. ^^  The images you're painting seem really fuzzy, like shadows, which makes the title more appropriate than if you just mentioned that line at the end. ^_^  I like the title to the piece and the rhyme scheme, so I have an autobias... 'cept I didn't like the shun-done rhyme being done in the order that you did it in, but I'm picky. ^_^  I don't notice meter, so I won't comment on that...

An interesting poem that was certainly attractive and different from some of the ones I've been reading lately... the title has marked interest because of the idea of shadows existing in the dark since that made me think for a bit and reflect before reading. ^_^  Definitely not disappointing.  Nice job, and I look forward to any others like this one that you wish to post. ^_^  Take cares!  Until next time.

- holatuwol

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-10-17 09:27 PM

"You only have yourself to blame
if the light of love won't spark,
for you are just screaming out
Like a Shadow in the Dark."

the whole poem hit me since i did relate...yet the alsts tanza was the more...esp that last line which i wrote on the exact menaing...very nicely done.

=)

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

5 posted 2001-10-17 09:42 PM

Thank you very much you guys!

never_a_princess
Member

since 2001-06-09

Posts 82
Show Me the Money

6 posted 2001-10-17 10:12 PM

I like it...and I think it makes pretty good sense..but sometimes..a lot of times, I don't make sense myself..anyways! I liked how you began and ended with the title of it, and i also like "The only light that can shine, is too bright to see in this dark" Good write!
__o0o_Anna_o0o__ *waves*

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

7 posted 2001-10-18 10:17 AM

Oooo yes i like this one

) I think it makes sense...was it suppose to not make sense?? N e wayz great job and i enjoyed it!!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

8 posted 2001-10-18 04:47 PM

Lol, I wasn't really sure if anyone would notice the repetition of the first and last lines, I was really hopeing they would though. Thanks alot for your comments

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