Untitled..any suggestions??

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

baby0508
Member

since 2001-05-16

Posts 58
Moodus, Connecticut

0 posted 2001-10-16 12:21 PM

Hey guys- I'm going throught the toughest breakup ever and I wrote this for my now ex bf

. Please tell me what you think..honostly...

Untitled

If there was someone I could count on
When the sun just didn't shine;
If I ever needed just to talk,
I could call you anytime.

You welcomed me with smiles,
and wiped my tears away,
You told me that no matter what
Your love for me would stay.

And now is when I need your love,
My skies are not so blue,
because your love is not with me,
And this is all brand new.

I never thought I'd see a cloud,
When I saw your smiling face,
And now your telling me
That you need your space.

So a storm is what my world is,
I'm drowning in the rain,
But if you bring the sunshine back,
It will take away my pain.

sweetypie5
Member

since 2000-10-06

Posts 97
MWC,OK,USA

1 posted 2001-10-16 06:01 PM

This is really good! Better than most of my poems! LoL! Well good luck on getting over him but believe me you will! I did! Hope things get better!
Luv ya allz,
*~*~*Stephanie*~*~*

BlackDove
Junior Member

since 2001-10-14

Posts 18
Why are you reading this???

2 posted 2001-10-17 04:39 PM

I like this rhyme scheme. I use the same almost all the time. Don't worry about him... Be yourself

All the plastic people who live without a care.Try to sit around my table and never bring a chair...

never_a_princess
Member

since 2001-06-09

Posts 82
Show Me the Money

3 posted 2001-10-17 08:57 PM

wow. this is EXACTLY how I've been feeling lately. Great expression of feeling in this post! And your rhymes don't sound choppy; they flow very nicely! I loved it! Keep poetizing. Oh, and in my case it's not getting over someone "special," just a good friend to not-so-close friends, but I hope you'll perk up(rockin' phrase there!) and see he's the one who lost something, not you, not you.

Title possibility: Something about being pulled apart or something. No matter what you title it, it's still a grand poem! *nods*
__o0o_Anna_o0o__ *waves*

[This message has been edited by never_a_princess (edited 10-17-2001).]

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

4 posted 2001-10-18 01:38 PM

Im really sorry to hear that you and your boyfriend broke up...its such a hard thing to go through ::hugs::..but just remember, everything happens for a reason...hope u feel betta soon

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

5 posted 2001-10-18 04:59 PM

wow, i liked this alot, i can share these feelings as well.....they just dont make luv the way they used 2! lol neways, nice job, i really liked it.

Did u ever have the feeling that he meant everything 2 u, yet u meant nothing 2 him?.....~me
~...I can be ur hero baby, I can kiss the pain away...~

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.