navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » .....?\"dear angel..."
Teen Poetry #5
Post A Reply Post New Topic .....?\"dear angel..." Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979


0 posted 2001-06-24 12:19 PM




Angel, angel…can you come ?
And show me the way to love, dear friend…
Cause I’ll leave my heart with you
All my trust and faith will be true

So we can lay on the hills
In smiling faces, as we caress the love we share
Even though time will come for us to depart
But our souls will remain not less apart

So be my love
So be my friend

Just come and be with me
Cause I need your love in reality
Still climbing hills
To see if you are there

My lonely heart cant take this…
Fear of never seeing you, as I go blind
Hoping it’ll be soon
As I wait for you this time

So be my love
So be my friend

As I sit down in the corner
And cry with my head down on my knees
My tears fall and fall constantly
Please, can you wipe them for me?

Cause right now, I’m sad
That I can only see you with my eyes closed…
So…angel, angel… can you come…
And show me the way to love, dear friend ?


jun.7


...its still incomplete.



[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 06-24-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 ALBY - All Rights Reserved
Spice
Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
1 posted 2001-06-24 12:56 PM


Albert!  
Wow! I liked this one ALOT! Great work here. Just Beautiful! Incomplete you say??? Goodness then- I can't wait to see the finished product. I love your writing Albert.   Keep posting!

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.

katherine
Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365
Canberra Australia
2 posted 2001-06-24 01:08 AM


this is amazing! i love it, it's so beautiful.
keep it up
katie

fate can only take you so far, the rest is up to you

Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
3 posted 2001-06-24 11:50 AM


Albert.. wow.  The emotion in this piece is breathtaking.  You've portrayed so much pain... so much wanting and yearning to be with that special someone.  Your time will come, my friend.  And when it does, I will be so happy for you.  The love of your life will show up somewhere very unexpected and sweep you off your feet, rest assured.
I enjoyed this poem very much.  This is a beautiful display of the talent you hold.  Nice work, Albert.  We'll talk later  

--Marie

"Well the sun is slowly sinking down, but the moon is slowly rising. So this old world must still be spinning 'round.  And I still love you." –James T

Marshalzu
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
4 posted 2001-06-24 01:07 PM


Great work Albert, it might be me but I'm sure I haven't seen you post for a while so it's great to see something by you, and I really enjoyed the read  
Andrew

"Here we are again Finding ourselves at the end Of the wrong stick I guess it's far too late I'm building up the barricades In my head" -My Vitriol

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
5 posted 2001-06-24 02:33 PM


I agree with everyone on this, what an outstanding piece of work.  It's a change of pace from what I'm used to reading from you, it's more emotional and personal than I would expect.  It's still very, very good.
I love the way you drew the angel out for the reader, without really describing it much at all.  It gave a sense of desparation.
Great work, Albert.  You've truly impressed me.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada
6 posted 2001-06-24 02:37 PM


Hey Alby!  
Beautiful write! It's gorgeous! The way you express your emotions in this piece...wow. And how you portray the angel...I'm impressed at you Alby! Can't wait to see the finished product!  

-Leah

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

Jenn Cirrincione
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
7 posted 2001-06-24 03:10 PM


Wow I loved this much!!! Great job Alberta!

"If my heart had wings, I would fly to you and lie.. beside you as you dream, if my heart had wings." Faith Hill

Skyfire
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
8 posted 2001-06-24 06:51 PM


I promise I won't hurt your feelings. Anyway, it's still incomplete? Well what are you waiting for? Can you please finish it? I like it a lot! Fin-ish, fin-ish... please?
Rhonda  

"Amy, can you PLEASE come to Spain with us so that we have someone to keep Rhonda calm?" - Mr. Ardiel *insert hysterical laughter from me here*

LoneWolf
Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384
IL
9 posted 2001-06-24 07:16 PM


Wow this absolutly wonderful. i totally loved this one. its most definatly going to my library. and i can't wait to see it when its complete. this was just awesome.

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255

10 posted 2001-06-24 07:24 PM


aww this was so great! i loved it. keep up the good work....it was so great i loved the end!

one morning you wake up afraid you are going to live

SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
11 posted 2001-06-24 07:33 PM


this brought tears to my eyes.....*sniff*.....wonderful Albert  
obscurity of cloud
Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294
....:::::******:::::....
12 posted 2001-06-24 11:26 PM


Albert!  This is beautiful, it's amazing, it's all the good things everyone has said times a billion.  It has such a whimsical flow, it's almost lyrical.  Incredible job, keep em coming!

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

apsara
Member
since 2000-11-09
Posts 70

13 posted 2001-06-25 04:20 AM


This is simply spectacular. I can't wait to read the final product. Great job.

apsara

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
14 posted 2001-06-25 10:20 AM


Can't wait to see the rest of the poem.
BRAVO Albert
~*standing ovation*~

hi Sweets, Kris, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

Shygirl82
Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245
Ilinois
15 posted 2001-06-25 11:35 AM


Seriously now..this poem just about blew me away...excellent...I loved it...I cant wait to read the rest....
~Nikki~

stace_co2003
Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497
In a dream world
16 posted 2001-06-25 08:12 PM


awwwwwwwwwww, ALBIE!!!!! I wuvs you hunny!!! gosh...you are a great writer...I hope this gets finished soon!! this is soooo cool!! goin in my library...I dun care if it's not done yet!!!!!!

I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem.

Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
17 posted 2001-06-26 02:51 AM


alberta!!!!! *jumps on alberta and hugs him tight*
... ...wowowowoowowzers dude!!.. .this is the most awesome piece ive read in a long time!!.......its soooooo beautiful!!!..i LOVE it already!!.. .wowowow....youve done an amazing job with it already its truly astounding poetry ablerta..im totally blown away by it ...AGPFAGP????.....hells yeah!!....now if only my name was angel.....
..you are a poet with amazing talent dear alberta.....just make sure you write a bit more often cuz we need more from you buddy!!!!. ...alberta...bye  

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
18 posted 2001-06-27 01:09 AM


Ok I'm going to look like the mean guy here but I didn't like this one much. I thought it had a lot of emotion but I felt that the emotion lacked POWER. I think you can do better and add some more feeling to this. I also felt that the poem went steadily forward rather than have a beginning, a rise, and a fall....some nice conclusion.
I know you can do this....
Anyhow, I liked what you have so far, and hope to see the end version of this one since it's not complete.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
19 posted 2001-06-28 06:13 AM


Albertia, so sad yet so deep at the same time. Hopefully you are feeling a bit better and if you need to talk some more, you know where to find me.

~AF~

Just because I hear voices doesn't mean I'm crazy...SHUT UP IN THERE!!!

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
20 posted 2001-07-03 02:23 AM


wow this just blew my mind. it was lovely albert. i loved it. *hugs*
tiff


“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

I know Im not perfect but I can smile
& I hope that you c this heart behind my tired eyes

[This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 07-03-2001).]

Kicking Kim
Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!
21 posted 2001-07-08 06:11 AM


Wow, Albert this was amazing!  I really enjoyed it and the structure and rhythm.  I cannot wait to see the polished piece - if you ever find anything wrong with it!!  This was a great read.  

    

^*~Kicking Kim~*^

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
22 posted 2001-07-08 12:33 PM


This was outstanding. Im putting this in my libary.  

Regina

If you only understood my pain then maybe you could learn to be my friend. Be there. My crying shoulder. The smiles. And the caring i need to survive.

zarina
Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180

23 posted 2001-07-08 03:07 PM


It's very nice. I liked it alot.
cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
24 posted 2002-11-03 02:49 AM


heh...Just reading this one again Alberta
Read my reply and thought "Man, was I on e that day?"

Love what you do...

Are you scared?                            BOO! Are you now?

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » .....?\"dear angel..."

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary