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paper doll
Member

since 2002-08-04

Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty

0 posted 2002-08-04 08:47 AM

The flicker of a candle hangs in the corner
Resting…silently…
Giving one thousand reasons
To descend into darkness
And meet the hand of
Plastic dreams
And curdled hope.

The unquiet grave lurks
Around the corner from dying
Children and their innocence.
One, two…three gunshots to
The skulls of virtue
And a clear path for the wine.

There’s a suicide poem buried
Under an oak tree in the gardens
A murky undertone guards
It’s meaning
The faith that hides behind the smile

She lived.

She was told that love
Was nicer than a complimentary
Meal in the Windsor.
And that the denim bags
Holding her smile would be free
From beneath the couch
The asp held her tongue.

Glitter fell from the heavens
And paved the street in childlike
Glory…the subtle look of youth
Clasping at straws she fell
Low

Lower

Until the ground moved from side to side
And revealed only the bitterness
She longed to rid of
Last December with the
Frost.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

[This message has been edited by paper doll (08-04-2002 08:48 AM).]

Lady In White

Member Elite

since 2001-02-12

Posts 2799
USA

1 posted 2002-08-04 09:32 AM

A very intense poem to begin your time in Passions! Welcome, and I hope you will find yourself in a new home where much is to be explored. Please, check your E-mail for a Special Greeting!

write with grace, all others lose face;
"Jo was very tall, thin, ... and reminded one of a colt..." LMA

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

2 posted 2002-08-04 05:24 PM

This is such a wonderful poem to read, from start to finish it was a pleasure to read such beautifully crafted lines, I hope to see more of your work around here in the near future

Andrew

"If you are afraid of wolves, stay out of the woods"

J.V. Stalin

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

3 posted 2002-08-04 11:50 PM

Wow very impressive first poem.....WELCOME, I hope you enjoy Passions...

Greeneyes~

The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind pretend I am weightless and in this moment I am happy

mistic
Member

since 2001-05-06

Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.

4 posted 2002-08-05 01:19 PM

awesome imagery. thanks for sharing this awesome piece with us. Welcome to Pip.

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

5 posted 2002-08-05 03:54 PM

paper doll-

This is such a beautiful and dark poem. The lyric tone and subtle cynisism, metaphors, and personifications really held my attention. The imagery, bold, yet at the same time telling a story gives the reader so much more to look forward to. There are many very well written lines here, as well, and it seems to flow very smoothly.

A very inspirational post! I look forward to more of your poetry!

-Leah-

Va pensiero sul' ali dorate...

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

6 posted 2002-08-05 06:30 PM

Wow.

Said if I only could ...
-KB

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

7 posted 2002-08-06 01:42 AM

I don't know what to say...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

8 posted 2002-08-06 02:44 AM

impressive--dark and intense but you managed the subtle shades of this extraordinarily well! I will remember your name.

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

9 posted 2002-08-06 04:05 AM

Delicious.. hum dee dum dum.. I love reading poetry like this.. even though the wishing that I had written it myself makes me weary..

... Welcome to Passions

"if you know me so well then tell me which hand do I use?" Tori Amos

[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (08-06-2002 04:09 AM).]

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

10 posted 2002-08-09 12:03 PM

One of the best penned poems I've seen in this forum in a long time. I can't wait to read more! Thanks for sharing. Write on!

Check out my poetry here:

http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

11 posted 2002-08-09 12:09 PM

I have been back a few times...and?

my. my. my.

"She was told that love
Was nicer than a complimentary
Meal in the Windsor.
And that the denim bags
Holding her smile would be free
From beneath the couch
The asp held her tongue."

savory as satin...

MIdsummerRain
Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 175
St. Louis, Missouri

12 posted 2002-08-09 01:58 AM

Intense & Savory as Satin Indeed; Welcome to Passions; I await your next write as well ~Rayne

One day Men will look back & say
that I gave birth to the 20th Century

Jack the Ripper ~1888

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

13 posted 2002-08-10 12:16 PM

Oh hm... this is one poem that I must say struck me as very professional. You obviously have refined your skill and value high-quality poetry, because this is all the work of a true tradesman.

I loved the images this poem provoked... especially the way you counted up to three when describing gunshots... the different dark sentiments (this poem is pitch dark... I really respect a poem that can be truly dark without merely using a ton of buzz words).

"Unquiet grave" made me think of Faith and the Muse.

I don't know if you meant to make that reference, might just be a coincidence.

Well, welcome to Passions in Poetry. Have fun sharing with us, I hope to see you reading and offering insight... Teen Poetry is in need of some more members, and I'd love to see your talent in the bunch.

Parasite

paper doll
Member

since 2002-08-04

Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty

14 posted 2002-08-10 01:44 AM

Thank you all for the warm reception. I look forward to posting around here a lot more as you all seem like such a welcoming bunch of people.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

15 posted 2002-08-10 01:35 PM

You never cease to amaze me lady.
Great work as always, and I agree with LP refined and professionally done. I read a lot of hope in this- oddly enough; I like it when you write that way.

Wonderful
Jenn

Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving?

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

16 posted 2002-08-10 04:47 PM

"Low

Lower

Until the ground moved from side to side
And revealed only the bitterness
She longed to rid of
Last December with the
Frost."

*shaking my head, here*

the implications are lovely here...even the spaces between words are like blue of sky against the peak of mountain. This is SO solidly constructed...sigh. (I've been back more than a few times but this time? I HAD to say something!)

*damnthisisgood*

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

17 posted 2002-08-10 08:56 PM

*clapping* I'll return with my 'aces' later, if I have any. For now... splendidly done.

Sincerely,
Titus

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

18 posted 2002-09-08 04:46 PM

I'm sorry I missed this one! hrm...splendid as the others have stated..and welcome..tho I am fashionably late..my humble apologies

Kristen

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

19 posted 2002-11-15 02:29 AM

i once wrote a poem called sixty seven shades of purple [or some number like that].

heh. a long long time ago. but i just thought i'd let you know.

beautiful, as always m'dear.

never ever stop writing.

where ARE you?

/jen/

i'm so bitterly disappointed. betty, i think it's time you leave now.

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