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Telling the story of who I am (4000th post!!!)
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Telling the story of who I am (4000th post!!!) |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Enjoy  Thanks for the title Sven.  ----------------------------------------------- Circular dances in square rooms, Limit the movement within black lights. They come on by the flick of a match And illuminate the playground full of sunshine. Breakaway chips of broken sand Locked in water against the riverbed. One by one the grains float away And rest on blocks of ice downstream. Bodies rotting and black from flies Buzzing around the human carcass Fresh from a kill by a society Devouring limbs and flesh with chipped teeth. Drain the blood from the salty wounds On the blind men speaking in Latin. Take the blood and slaughter their young, Feed the liquid to some deaf offspring. Crying shadows leap from buildings Into webs of insecurities amongst hedges. Through the air they travelled broad And lost themselves in sunshine's glare. Dazed and confused in a cacoon of hibernation, The slug emerges fresh from a lazy sleep. 3000 years later it is still nothing, But now it has 3000 years worth of dreams to tell. Depressed within a sanctuary of happiness The halls paved with silver gold nuggets. Reflections broken in fits of rage Shattering the foundations of this environment. Dances and sands meld together as one, Bodies and blood run as one Shadows and hibernation run together Depression rises and reflections smash Telling the story of who I am ------------------------------------------------ Dum da da duuuuuuuum!! This is the 4000th post people. Dance and be happy.  Now I wasn't a very happy chappy when I wrote this. Actually i was really quite distraught. Anyway, it is meant to be full of contradictions and it's pretty easy to understand. If you can't get it, read it through a few times and it should be pretty clear. ~AF~ "Reality is only a feeble rendering of the energy brought forth by the imagination" |
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| © Copyright 2001 Elizabeth Johnson - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
you completely messed with my mind this morning LOL be proud  Congratulations on 4000 kiddo!! |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
4000th!?!?! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! How wonderful You go girl! |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
First of all, congratulations on hitting 4000  Secondly, I'm really gonna have to get back on you on this. Man, I have to break down every line just to understand it. So, I'll get back with you It's a really good poem, but I do need to understand it more I don't wanna leave just some generic reply ya know Okies, be back hi Sweets, Lizzy, Jesa, Ina, Allysa, Marie, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Chelsea, Baker, Leah, Jess, Kimmie |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
First of all, congratulations on hitting 4000 Secondly, I'm really gonna have to get back on you on this. Man, I have to break down every line just to understand it. So, I'll get back with you It's a really good poem, but I do need to understand it more I don't wanna leave just some generic reply ya know Okies, be back hi Sweets, Lizzy, Jesa, Ina, Allysa, Marie, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Chelsea, Baker, Leah, Jess, Kimmie |
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aaron woodside Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 256 |
4000!! WOW. Me thinks thats quite alot. Great write but I'm not too sure I get it... maybe I'm just dense. The way I seem to be interpreting it now is almost Apocalyptical. I enjoyed reading it and I plan on reading it some more to try and understand it better. Congrats, on 4000! Ex Animo, Aaron They leave us so to the way we took, |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
EJ, you've done it once again... 4000 posts!!! It only seems like yesterday that you were at 2000...and even then, that was quite an accomplishment! Speaking of accomplishments, wow, this post is definately one. Finally, some stuff about who you are...I think. *evil laugh* ^_^ I hope to see the next 4000 posts! Maybe you'll out post Acire! Meep. Always, Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
OK...*cracks his knuckles* "Circular dances in square rooms, Limit the movement within black lights. They come on by the flick of a match" this shows the solitude within the madness...i liked how you entwined dashapes and movements..  "Bodies rotting and black from flies Buzzing around the human carcass Fresh from a kill by a society" imagery...rotting yet fresh. black from flies...awesome.. "On the blind men speaking in Latin. Take the blood and slaughter their young, Feed the liquid to some deaf offspring. " that just came aross as some dracula scene..  ...deep symbolism usage!"Crying shadows leap from buildings Into webs of insecurities amongst hedges." trying to somewhat esacpe yet trapped in the limited, self?...i liked the whole spider-man thing going on..  "3000 years later it is still nothing, But now it has 3000 years worth of dreams to tell." life like this seems like its been a long time...and it still hasnt gotten better but in a positive way that there is dreams that probably never came true...quite sad yet VERY real..  "Depressed within a sanctuary of happiness" thats a much powerful line...it is expressed as your the only person depressed yet the inside a world thats happy..  "Dances and sands meld together as one, Bodies and blood run as one Shadows and hibernation run together" every thing united whch normally wouldnt...and it leads on to the end verse..."Depression rises and reflections smash" no more meaning as your reflection of "being" is forever gone. overall a thought-provoking and deep poetry.as always...i LOVE the way you write, amazing. did you noticed i interprted it all wrong?..  ...hehe.. well, what are you waiting for...keep 'em coming!.. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
OH yea... CONGRATS on your 4000!!!.. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
YAY; You posted it!!! Wooo Hooo on 4000!! I already commented on this poem, and I think you really tapped into something as you wrote this. Great work hon!! Jenn "You've got to get yourself together, you got stuck in a moment, and you can't get out of it." |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
'ello guys Sea: I messed with your head?? Wooooo...lol. Thanks for the comment. Shugar: Yeah 4000 is quite a lot of posts. Hmm...maybe I should stay away from the comp for a while.  Acire: But what if I like those generic replies? Nah, it's good how you want to get everything from this piece. There is a lot in it to figure out and if you can crack this, you have got me figured out. Good luck. Aaron: Apocolyptical is a different way of looking at it. I can see how you'd get that though. Thanks for reading it. Leah: Stuff about me? Ha! Well....yeah it is.  Glad to see you liked it and pass Acire? hahah...oh boy, that made me laugh. Albertia: Wooo you really went into it. You got some points in there that I myself didn't even realise but makes a lot of sense. Curse those subconscious meanings. Anyway, there was a point for the shapes etc but I'm happy to see someone go into it far enough to actually pull bits out they liked. Jenn: Of course i posted it! There was nothing else to post...lol. Tapped into something is a good way of saying it. Alrighty, thanks everyone for your comments. Much appreciated. ~AF~ "Reality is only a feeble rendering of the energy brought forth by the imagination" |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Great work with this one Lizzy, I really enjoyed the read oh and congrats on 4000 Join the Pip Space Navy now, your website needs you!!! join @ [email protected] |
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dastard Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55in tearing silence |
This is about how you are...? *is scared, runs away shouting "Great write, really scary sometimes, but that's okay, more than okay... and Congrats on your", hits a tree near Pipsville, "4000", drops dead  *lol... as if I would go to heaven... as if I wanted to go to heaven... Congrats again! "Only two things are infinite; the universe and humans' stupidity, but I'm not sure yet about the universe." ~Albert Einstein |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Ok, here's half of how i look at your poem. I know I'm far off, but this poem is really deep and based on such personal situations that not everyone neccessarily goes thru. So, I do hope you take that into consideration. be nice Circular dances in square rooms, first line gives me the feeling that you're going nuts, like your trying to break away from a square/stereotypical world Limit the movement within black lights. But still you hold on to what you feel, even though around you makes you feel you have to conform and stay within the norm which doesn’t really mean it’s the right thing to do in your eyes. What might be good to others is not necessarily good to you and vice versa. A feeling inside of you that gives you solace or lamentation. They come on by the flick of a match And illuminate the playground full of sunshine. As said, this is what gives you the sudden changes in what your mood. One minute bad, to the next minute which is good. A cause for your unpredictability. Breakaway chips of broken sand Locked in water against the riverbed. This gives me the feeling that you see your situation is actually slowly peeling thru your skin, slowly breaking you down piece by piece, and killing you. A feeling that you believe has no way out of. One by one the grains float away And rest on blocks of ice downstream. A sense that everything is slowly but surely leaving your grasp or control and ends up into a sense of numbing between you and your surroundings. ___________________________________________________ Bodies rotting and black from flies Buzzing around the human carcass You see yourself as someone dead, not loved or cared for, and left rotting and feasted in a swarm of flies. Flies can also be seen as people around you trying to get much out of you still. Fresh from a kill by a society Devouring limbs and flesh with chipped teeth. A death caused by society, and specifically being killed by society’s hypocrisy. A smile with a chipped tooth, a smile that is not real. Drain the blood from the salty wounds On the blind men speaking in Latin. Take the blood and slaughter their young, Feed the liquid to some deaf offspring. I believe these lines have to go together. This gives me a feeling that this is about the people around you. Like specialists that pretend to know, but are truly blind to the situation and speak of things that cannot be or is impossible to comprehend. Instead they dig deeper and cause more pain that solace. You see yourself as this situation doesn’t really help and actually drains the life more out of you. That is it for now, I'm all drained already. This is too hard to comprehend, and most probably is even mistakenly understood. I'll be back for the reast of the poem as I said hi Sweets, Lizzy, Jesa, Ina, Allysa, Marie, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Chelsea, Baker, Leah, Jess, Kimmie [This message has been edited by acire (edited 10-03-2001).] |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Hmm..interesting, Acire. If you got that, good for you. Most people don't even bother trying to figure it out. *glares at everyone* Thanks to everyone else who read it. ~AF~ "Reality is only a feeble rendering of the energy brought forth by the imagination" |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
well, for people to reply, don't you think they should actually understand the poem. I can't keep up and reply to all the poems anymore, cause I've been doing it this way now. Understand before you reply hi Sweets, Lizzy, Jesa, Ina, Allysa, Marie, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Chelsea, Baker, Leah, Jess, Kimmie |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
ack! you have rendered me completely speechless *thinks*...no lets say "thoughtless" for now elizabeth i feel so inferior to you as a poet. your words hold so much more then i can ever truly comprehend. yes i went back and read it through five times *holds up her hand for emphisis* and the only thing that i could gather from reading it that many times is the thought of how amazingly you write. the content of the poem i didnt understand fully- curse my wretched brain! but the imagery is totally astounding. it took my breath away ( i forget to breath sumtimes- so make sure your next poem is second rate cuz you're going to be the death of me one day! )..i loved the way you "melded" the imagery you started with together at the end- it gave your poem EXCELLENT closure. ack i just read over your poem (again) and i have to write out the imagery which i LOVED: "Circular dances in square rooms" "One by one the grains float away And rest on blocks of ice downstream." "Drain the blood from the salty wounds On the blind men speaking in Latin" "But now it has 3000 years worth of dreams to tell." "The halls paved with silver gold nuggets." OOOOoooooooo you are good! here's my two cents on what i THINK ( think is the word...remember its a process really hard for me to do ) the poem is about. well you mentioned society right? could it be that youre talking about what society has made you into? you talked about a cacoon ( you know im reading Silence of the Lambs- so ive got a lot of that stuff floating around in my head at the moment )...so the processes which make you, the thoughts and ways(blood fed) of the past society is instilled into you. but going by your oxymorons and contradictions you either dont want to be part of the norm, or you are seeing the contradictions of life ( im not sure which one here )...but then again it might be both. at the end everything comes together the blood and the bodies and the shadows and hibernation and you proclaim that this is who you are. you cant deny it maybe? ( gee my interpretation is more of what's going on in MY life then whats going on in yours lol see my signiture? )i loved the poem..i really really really did! here we go sumthing more for you chicka: congrats on the four-oh-oh-oh ( i know im late lol ) love you! icantdenymy past [This message has been edited by cherish (edited 10-05-2001).] |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
woooooooooooOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooOOOo! another email notification from ron!  ....dang brain of mine forgot all about the um little library dooverlacky thing.icantdenymy past |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
bump... this is so absoloutely amazing I think it deserves to be at the top. "Ph33r Me I eat N00bies Ph0R bReakFAsT" [This message has been edited by Marshalzu (edited 10-05-2001).] |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
this is good. you write very well indeed. And congrats on the 4000th.. I'm always myslef. Isn't that enough for you? |
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pharon Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 251alabama |
hey there...good job!!! definitly a good read! made me think! me |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I can't believe I didn't get to this sooner. Congrats on your 4000th post. Even more congrats to you for this poem. It's awesome. Don't have the words to describe. It was sooo good. The last 2 verses were the best.I'm outta here for awhile AF and I just wanted to say that you've been one of my favorite poets to read here and I've always appreciated your responses.I started getting less and less responses as my topics got a little more dangerous. That's why I am not kicking and screaming about the break I have to take. Good luck and I hope to read more someday. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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