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Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

0 posted 2001-09-21 01:16 PM

I’m trapped, in a sea of weightless rubbage,
In a place where all reality ceases to exist.
Gravity fades as your limbs go numb,
Colors bleed and swirl together into a whirlpool of greens and reds and blues,
And as they swirl faster    just black.
Repulsive black, surrounds me filling my lungs and invading my mind,
But I reject it      it’s angry.
Enraged at my nerve to expel it    forced from it’s host… vile parasite,
Free     blackness fading        slowly     downed…
And awaken to a world that’s dead within itself.

" How can i feel if i can't breathe...?"
- Godsmack

"If who i am is what i have, and what i have is lost...then who am i?"
-unknown

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

1 posted 2001-09-21 09:05 PM

Wow...that was just...wow. It felt so suffocating...not in a bad way though. Just in affect to your poem. ^^
This is something different from you...a free verse! MUAHA! You're incredibly good at both rhyming and free verse! You have quite the talent...can't wait to see what else you have! ^____^

++ Leah ++

Fear me. ^__^

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2001-09-22 03:58 AM

"And awaken to a world that’s dead within itself."
That is a bloody fantastic line!!

I love it! The whole piece is really well written. It's longer than your other one (yay!!) but this one has enough length not to drown you in it.

Take care and thanks for the read.

~AF~

Please put waste in a bin
2001 McDonalds Corporation
Printed in Australia (12913)

katherine
Member

since 2000-06-10

Posts 365
Canberra Australia

3 posted 2001-09-23 03:35 AM

this is another brillient one from you. i loved it it's very different to the other two of yours i have read it didn't have such a sharp edge on(i'm not saying that as a bad thing).
keep it up

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

4 posted 2001-09-23 02:12 PM

wow, i LOVED this one sooo much! fantastic!

Did u ever have the feeling that he meant everything 2 u, yet u meant nothing 2 him?.....

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