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fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

0 posted 2001-09-03 10:49 PM

Rain on the Sunday

Your eyes
follow my eyes across
A static background with
rushing Junipers and
crackling planets
Travel your hand
To carry my hand printing
through the stars, finding our names
interwoven with Gemini
You move your lip
to taste the saturation
from above
I want to sample the same but I hold fast
pressuring the water fall off my face
You drink in abundance of it
tangling your hair into seperate rivers
Till their fall's echoes
now drizzling in the night time
I lost the rapture of opportunity
And skys have broken dried up into darker night
Lost for the time
Your eyes find my feeling
wishing
for once
You shove with me last pressed tight 'gainst me
if vapors, the remaining
droplets
last longer
Forced unto me with shock
yet pacified movement
I hold back
you forced more taste I missed
By your lips
break like the end
of tides or sampling
the best. And after the rest
I'll listen most
Your eyes
and the rain tapping on my windowsill.

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-09-04 10:45 AM

wow! just wow......

punkyfreak
New Member

since 2001-08-28

Posts 6

2 posted 2001-09-04 01:50 PM

I am getting tired of these "wow" and that's it comments, so here is a real comment. You poem is very descriptive, which I like. I also like how it sucks you in and lets you know how it felt. The ending is very "sweet"
~trista

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

3 posted 2001-09-04 03:13 PM

Incredible Sean! One of my favorites from you! I love the way you incorporate the solar system in this piece.
The beginning reminded of one of those funky music videos, hehe.

"through the stars, finding our names
interwoven with Gemini"
"I want to sample the same but I hold fast
pressuring the water fall off my face
You drink in abundance of it
tangling your hair into seperate rivers"
Such beautiful lines. "Tangling your hair in seperate rivers": a stunning image. Wow.

"And skys have broken dried up into darker night"
That is amazing imagery. I never thought of night being that way...

"I'll listen most
Your eyes
and the rain tapping on my windowsill."
This left me in awe.

Such an exquisite ending, it couldn't be better!

The entire poem is so eloquent and graceful. You did an exceptional job on this one! A much enjoyed read! Thank you!

°L.§.W.°

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-09-04 04:19 PM

Man, the more threads I go into the better the poetry gets! I think I need to take poetry lessons or something!

This was great! I loved how you used all sorts of mediums, and didn't just stick to one path. (Okay, I'm REALLY tired...opnly I know what I mean...Eh---I'll epxlain it later!)

You're a speck in the universe, not even worth noticing...Yet, somehow you matter so much to others!

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