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Teen Poetry #5
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When Rocks Brought a Girl to her End
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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When Rocks Brought a Girl to her End |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... 
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It's "Bad Poetry" night here in Cherishland folks! So if you're too tired i suggest you skip this one  ..I'm just venting.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tick Tick Tick Swings the cobwebbed clock Boom Boom Booming Sounds a distant falling rock Round Round Round Her shaking body, blood surges Quiet Quiet Quietly Supressing forbidden Dark urges Bite Bite Bite Down hard on reddend lips Dig Dig Digging Into soft flesh with fingertips Feel Feel Feel Her rage rise within Watch Watch Watching Her blackend world spin Dodge Dodge Dodge The crashing boulders' jagged edge Run Run Running Quickly to Lifes' unwelcoming legde Kill Kill Kill The hounding Demons of her past Face Face Facing The pools of her blood drying fast Reel Reel Reel Away from the stones' stinging blow Flinch Flinch Flinching As vinaceous tears slowly flow Shout Shout Shout As she curls up in submission See See Seeing Death play out his moving rendition Tock Tock Tock The ghostly clocks' heart grows cold Smash Smash Smashing The stoney foundations of memories old. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Vinaceous- wine coloured ( in this case a nice full bodied red'll do  ) |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
Yea, it's bad to be engrossed in memories, especially bad ones. I've recently learned that you should try and look to the future and not get upset about memories of the past. Good Write! Good Night! Love will come and love will go, but friends are forever (usually). |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Cherish~ I'm not often a reader of darker poetic thoughts~ but this is very, very effectively portrayed. Just thought I'd let you know that I found it a good read. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Aw Cheri! This wasn't bad at all! Dark in a way, scary almost...  *kills her clock* Uhh...hehe.  Finally you posted something! Yeesh. Took you long enough.  I miss your poetry.  Good read, although not your best. But it wasn't bad! So don't say otherwise!  Guess I'll see ya later......it IS september by the way. *cough* °L.§.W.° Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
For the good of man kind aye? Well in that case you suck. HaHaHa- I'm kidding! Cherish, Awesome write.Oh I loved the style. I loved the...Well..Not exactly REPETITION because you didn't say exactly the same thing in each stanza....So would it be Format? Ah, who cares...I liked it- thats all that matters- haha. Dark? Ya...I guess so...But who has to be happy all the time? Thats just a bit ODD if you ask me. "Feel Feel Feel Her rage rise within Watch Watch Watching Her blackened world spin" Damn Cherish, You expressed yourself so well. I want more poems! You don't post anywhere NEAR as much as you should! Don't make me send my lil gnomes after you. Muwahaha You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Bad poetry night? Someone needs to take you out and show you bad poetry because this is nothing of the sort! I really liked this piece for the creativity and uniqueness of it. You've captured a broad range of emotions in quite a different format. The repeatition gave it a sort of, if I dare to say, Nursery Rhyme feel but the second round of repeatition brought it back to this black piece. This piece is so well done. You should be really proud of this Char-ish. *click for the library*  "Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?" |
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dastard Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55in tearing silence |
Hey Cherish, Finally... you posted at Teen5 ! Party on, Wayne ! And... you were absolutely right: I never read anything of you before, must have mixed you up. But this fact makes your poem's impact on me even stronger, loved it lots ! Keep going ! Bye "Only two things are infinite; the universe and humans' stupidity, but I'm not sure yet about the universe." ~Albert Einstein |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Wow! If today was a bad day in CherishLand...then, I'd love to see a good day! I love darker poems/stories...so I especially liked this one! (and "chasing rain"'s poems...) It sounds like something's wrong...don't be sad! (or mad) Cheer up! Oh and thanks so much for being the first to reply to my message! And thanks for the welcome as well! I really appreciate it! ~ Alex [This message has been edited by Android 17 (edited 09-04-2001).] |
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angel_2401 Member
since 2001-06-12
Posts 131Cincinnati, OH |
Girl, like Lizzy said, we need to show you bad poetry, this is really good!!!! I post because I'm bored, I'm bored because I am. ~~*I'm Matt's Princess!!!*~~ |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
so much went behind this...if this is bad poetry?...then your good ones must be a masterpiece!..hehe...awesome dark protrayal, you have done here...ME says MORE! if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take - when thugs cry- |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
Rich- thank you for your wise words buddy. this poem was written about my mother and what shes been through, and she's a person who cant seem to let go of the past, so even if i tried i dont think its possible for her to let go ( just yet). g'night! Marge- wow!!im really glad you liked this one. it means a lot to me  Leah- i threw my clock out too! darn thing stoppped working cuz it was on the back of my door and it fell just one too many times for it to truly survive my door slams- oh well, im glad you read this one, it doesnt compare to your "dark materials" though thanks for being honest- remember its for the good of mankind Jesa- Gah-nomes you say?... ...ok how about i post up a poem say every two months or so? hows that? im glad you liked this- did it scare you like it did leah? Lizzy- it is sorta meant to sound like a nursery rhyme- thats how i kinda read it in my head- a tuanting rhyme which changes person when the verbs pop up. proud of this piece - no not really i think its cuz of who its written about, and what its written about ( the rock symbollises a person too ). im stoked that you liked this one - it means a lot, but its HARDLY a library piece Dastard- wooo i was right wasnt i?..yeah i havent posted anything apart from this one in teen #5. but im happy you read this and enjoyed it. i love your signiture...ah the stupidity of these creatures called humans...  Alex- hehe...im happy now! see? thanks for you reply matey! im glad you liked the welcome- anything to help you feel at home here alex! going by your reply im guessing you liked this poem *YAY*...thanks for your kind words.. Krissy- ugh..i KNOW bad poetry when i see it - and boyo have i written sum absolute SHOCKERS!! lol...thanks for reading kris- your thoughts were cheering Alberta- awww man...i cant do more for now...this is it for the next month or so you dont doo too bad on the dark poems yourself! in fact i quite enjoy your dark poetry. i dont know about the "masterpiece" thing either...but im glad you appreciated this - means much to me  ...bye Alberta?S I L L Y P E E P S [This message has been edited by cherish (edited 09-05-2001).] |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Wow, this was really unique. I don't think I have seen a similar poem of what you have wrote, this was great! Dark but very vivid, it will fit nicely in my library .Don't ever compare yourself to others - in most cases they are more messed up than you are! |
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Delirious_Smurf Member
since 2001-08-08
Posts 90Nothingness,P.R. |
Ah Cherish I liked it soo much! Bad? Phhhtt! No way....it rocked! !Who you are and who you will be is right in the palm of your hand. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Oh my god....*hugs* Grrrr....alrighty. I've already replied to this but once again can't hurt. After reading it again, I can see a lot more... You take care of yourself, chicky... "Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?" |
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Poet Unknown Member
since 2001-08-14
Posts 140Missouri |
man where you get off sayin my works dark look at this one its darker than mine lol *jealous* naw its very good ya shoulda seen my jaw star droppin and my eyes go all buggy Do as you please....strike forth down upon your knees...Darkness Falls on Those Without Souls |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
This was really good work Cherish. Keep it up. Regina |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Can I just put that I really like this as everything else has been said, so great work and keep on posting Zu |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
Aaron- im glad you took the time out to read this one thanks for your comments too...but a library piece? *cough*hardly*cough* Laura- *watches her poem rock back and forth*  im happy you liked it little one Lizzy- i think you're the only one who knows what this poem is really about.thanks for reading it again and being so understanding *hugs* Kyle- LOL *puts your jaw back into place*..now about them eyes. .. you know your poetry has quite the same effect on me too!! ... i get jealous pretty easily at that  Regi- thanks for reading!! Andrew- sure thing buddy thanks!- I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
ok while im here i think ill just explain it for whoever might look this up in the archives or wherever: the symbols: first off we have the clock= time (duh)...the clock is ticking and so the time is moving along its gay ol way cobwebbs= memories, or past experiences rocks are used in foundations, the foundations of the home are the parents, so here rocks = my father, he's the foundation of the house, yet like a rock he's able to cause a lot of harm and hurt. ever heard of the saying "like trying to make a rock bleed"? he's like that too. blood= love/life (here i stole the symbolism off a friend), blood indicates life and being alive the girl= my mother, but she's seen as a girl in the sense that its a certain part of her life, when you move on from girlhood to woman hood, you bring about a change in your life, and here she's a girl, being brought her girlhood to and end so whats the darn thing about? Well, it's about my mother, and how she's finding it hard to let go of her marriage. the rock, being my father was the cause of much anger and pain in her life, the second, third and fourth stanzas tell of how she's been suppressing the urge to break out and speak out against him. Then one day she does break out and in doing so she has had to once again dodge away from his words and such, but in doing so it's taken so much out of her she feels as though her life has ended. Its her memories which come back to haunt her. They take the little life she has left away from her, and she relives the memories of the stones' stinging blows everyday. In the end she lets the memories over come her- almost to breaking point. But here's the good thing; death makes his move on her marriage and kills it. The cobwebbed clock of her past dies and with it she smashes all memories of her past. What's with the repetition? Well the first lines of the first and second and penultimate and last stanzas basically describe what's going on, the first lines for the rest of the remaining five stanzas are the readers or in the case of the author, telling the girl to do things (bite, feel, kill, dodge, reel). The second lines of repeated words are what the rock or girl is doing- so the poem ends triumphantly with the girl smashing her memories ( and hopefully moving on ) Yeah I still stand on the fact that this is a rather stupid poem-its not universal and no one can relate to it but my mother (well not even her, she doesn't know what it means, and I'm not sure if I want to show her the explanation either)..so yeah the meaning sucks- but im glad you guys enjoyed it - I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Cherish, truly a wonderful poem. How can you say this was bad? I really really liked the poem! Such an awesome piece of work. Yer so awesome.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Alyssa
since 2001-05-30
Posts 385IM ENGAGED!!!!! |
hmmmmm... *ponders her thoughts* i do have to say i cant really think of anything to say! (me ...speechless? mark this on the calenders!) its a really good poem....i LOVE it absolutly LOVE it! "I swear officer! It was PINK." |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
*Standing Ovation* hi Sweets, Lizzy, Jesa, Ina, Allysa, Marie, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Chelsea, Baker, Leah, Jess, Kimmie |
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NathanS Member
since 2001-09-27
Posts 106CA |
I have 1 word to describe this poem Incredible!!!!!! Eventhough i am not for darker poetry, this has got to be one of the best poems i have read! Dear gosh! If this is merely a bad night, then a good night may give me a heart attack, which is highly unlikely at my age Excellent write!!!!! -Nathan |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
I read this over again...and it STILL blows my mind! ~ #17 If I've lost the girl of my dreams...who am I looking for now? |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
Awesome, that's all i can say! Life is an open book with many unwritten pages, write something that's meaningful to you there. |
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Honey Member
since 2001-10-09
Posts 92Hot girl From Canada |
Your poem wasn't bad at all. I think you got your emotions out quite well actually, and you are very beautiful. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
dopes- well its no use writing this- you wont see it..so thanks would be nuff Alyssa- so i guess you LOVED it!?! thanks chicka Toona- aw man you had me blushing  thanks for reading buddy!Dreys- lol...dont worry, i wont be the death of you im sure.. thanks for reading mate  Alex- i got the bold the italics & the underline! wooooOOOooo!!..just er make sure you clean up the pieces of yer head when you leave Mistic- thanks a lot Honey- ...thank you!  The day I stopped loving I died. |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
dude this is awesome. how can you say it's bad. I lo0ved the format of it. keep on posting more. "by takeing no risks you are really risking everything" |
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Apachecat906 Member
since 2001-09-04
Posts 217Michigan, USA |
Yep I agree with everyone else. This poem is good, very good, and original. Did you show this to your mother? I think she would be proud. |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
I feel like I've read this before.. It's a great poem Bel |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Darling, you're awesome! And you're going to be posting more, right??? *readies a water balloon* If you define cowardice as running away and screaming at the first sign of danger, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward. |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Im so glad to see you posting in here cherish Cant wait to see more from u [This message has been edited by xShUgArHiGhx (edited 10-11-2001).] |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
man, what can i say...just had to read it again again again again...ya know?.. esp when its a famous published writers piece. =) |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA |
I know this might be a little late to reply, but your poem was quite moving. When you wrote it you did not think it was all that great, and I must agree with you to some level. However, the emotions which are expressed are hard to express unless they ar inspired(yes even the dark emotions are inspired as you know it). Ronil Ronil (One becomes god only when they have fully understood the role of being a human being.) |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
*gasping* I'm always myslef. Isn't that enough for you? |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
I can't put it better then was just said... Nicely done Z. Cher, I loved it. A wonderfully entertaining read. Very muhc fun to read, and very dark indeed. (Hey, I ryhmed! ) Again, well done my friend! Sincerely, Titus Smile, Jesus loves you. :) |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
*sigh* I miss you!  I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone. |
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Watergun*Angel New Member
since 2001-12-20
Posts 8La la land |
I thought it was wonderful. Even though I am new here I LOVED it. For the darkness and what I read of everyone else it was really great. *Sarah*  |
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