»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #14
»
6/15
| Open Poetry #14 |
|
6/15 |
|
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
It was a day like any other day No more nor no less remarkable in any way The sun came up in its gift of golden ray Till the moon made its silvered shimmering display The sky was in blue sway until night came to stay And it was there in the gray that I felt the fray of betray Still it was just a day like all the rest Except that I woke with my heart in request As the day's unrest progressed Like an unwanted guest the night possessed I knew the silence would be my test And it was an aching absence that caught in my chest This one day that began in anticipated renew As I dreamed contentment might make its debut I searched for a sign that would get me through Still believing it true as the night came in on indigo imbue Ending this day in ache of blue wondering if you even knew God I would have given anything ... just to have heard from you Janet Marie We're all feeding our lonely like it might go away, |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Janet Marie - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
This one day that began in anticipated renew As I dreamed contentment might make its debut I searched for a sign that would get me through Still believing it true as the night came in on indigo imbue Ending this day in ache of blue wondering if you even knew God I would have given anything ... just to have heard from -------- Some words can mean so much, especially from the lips from a loved one. Speaking of absense, I have missed ya my dancing partner. Sent you an e-mail. Already I am hungry for more of your poetry.  "Like Sand underneath the snow, I make you mine." Kristin Hersh |
||
|
MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
JM: that last line is knee-shot where it hurts! VERY powerful and I especially enjoyed the creative use of your rhyme-scheme (if only hip-hop were this deep!!). Seriously -- very powerful evocation here. -MVS "If you think you know it all, you have a lot to learn." |
||
|
Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
A very emotional poem JM. Great write! |
||
|
Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
JM, When a buttrfly writes contention You had better pay her attention. For a butterfly to stop for a minute Means she has flown just about her limit. Beautiful My Tinker Bell. |
||
|
Logan Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641Arkansas |
Bittersweet, yet tender in the longing, but you wrote a line....The sun came up in its gift of golden ray...the gift of a new start, a new beginning, a new step on the pathway...all we have at times, JM.. A wonderful read from your pen...very gentle smile |
||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
The anything is very significant in this poem...as I'm sure the date is...great expression of your feelings...James |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Didn't you get the singing chickens???? Okay, so maybe it wasn't me--but I thought the chickens were cute...This is so sad--I hope you are okay! HUGS... |
||
|
Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
What a heartfelt write, Janet Marie, you tugged at my heart strings with this one.... |
||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
JanetMarie~ *Hugs* for your hurt ... An deeply emoted piece of your ache. Perhaps sharing it with others will lessen it's intensity for you. I hope so. *AnotherHug* Love ya', sweet poetess.  ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
||
|
Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Oh Sweet Janet Marie, this brought tears to my eyes, I hope that you're doing okay, hun! This is so beautifully sorrowful, penned so well with perfect rhyme, outpouring of emotion and images~ Take care of you! Melissa~ |
||
|
Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Oh Janet, sigh......I feel this. Last June 15th was a beautiful begining for me.....only to end yesterday. I share this pain you have dear one. On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free. |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Janet--You are so good at writing feeling..so real and honest. I liked the way you controlled this with rhyme, for if you hadn't, I think it would be a scream. Hugs! |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Now I have read this fine submission How wonderful is this rendition! You said to hell with all tradition I am now going on a mission To break poetic superstition With no regret or admonition But actually I sit here wishin' That somebody would take me fishin'!!! er, was I close?  |
||
|
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Powerful and emotive writing Janet Marie, and such a wonderful rhyme scheme, it almost tickled the ears ... devine! Many hugs for the tender sentiments within JM ... as always, you touch my heart with the emotions you display so beautifully. Best wishes, /Kit |
||
|
Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
God I would have given anything ... just to have heard from you That last line is so powerful, yes indeed. Loved this JM Maree |
||
Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Janet Marie, your poem was perfectly done as always but the yearning hurt my heart! Logan picked up on the line that showed a ray of sunshine for you, and I hope you will see more of those. I too have shared in anticipation and waiting to hear a call that didn't come. I know you have many friends here who love and care for you, and if you will allow me I too wish you to use me to lean on too! BIG HUGS, BIG, BIG HUGS. If I have made you smile today, then I have done my job! ~* Mysteria *~ |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Thank you all for such sweet concern and Im sorry if I worried anyone... I put this one up right before shutting down due to a bad storm coming in and when I got back on later...I have an emailbox full of "are you OK"...and all these generous replies... Im ok...and I know I tend to write melancholy..but I didnt think/realize this one was so sad...I was trying to jumpstart my missing muse by working with some rhymes and images...and yes...purge some emotions I had locked up... but no worries..OK... you know my motto...tis not easy being a moth thank you all for these replies and for the sweet concern... you guys are the best... I will try and reply more to each of these later...Im still having comp probs and cant get to some poem threads..(Im sorry if I am missing poems of my "regulars")....and all poems are loading slow...but as far as I know emails are working better than last week... but I still got some bugs to work out. love ya Poetry Land  jmWe're all feeding our lonely like it might go away, |
||
|
Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
Jan, This was fantastic...looks like your muse is starting to make her stir. hmmm at any rate, really enjoyed this a lot, but then again that is nothing new when reading your work. i know this is a bit melancholy, but i've learned to recognize that as you purging yourself of emotion. take care. love ya, amy "but i see your true colors, |
||
|
Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
Would you believe me, if I said... I understand? |
||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
That last line is killer, JM. What a powerful poem! |
||
|
esclandre Member
since 2001-06-11
Posts 62Northern California |
oh my goodness... this hit a spot, you know, that spot. crying inside with you. Esclandre |
||
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
strongly written and strongly done...all I can say is this is very good! |
||
|
snowpants Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061KS |
'Like an unwanted guest the night possessed I knew the silence would be my test And it was an aching absence that caught in my chest' You've got a talent for rhyme that my words just couldn't do justice...I'm not really sure how you do it, in spite of the 'missing muse'...your rhymes never sound forced, and the flow is just outstanding! Great write, J...oh, and if you couldn't tell, I love this!  k  it was love that first drew me, |
||
|
Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
You are always so good at nailing those certain emotions right on the head. The last line just rips at the heart. An emotional write for sure. Marina It is a blessing to have wings for words, and passion in pen |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Well hell's bells and dagnabit, gal... I was sitting around all day, waiting for YOU to call!!!! Whatcha mean this wasn't written for me? But... but... but... It had to be! *S* I know those feelings so well. *G* Seriously... if this is the way you write when you're just playing around to kick-start your muse, lordie help us all once she gets started! *G* This is wonderful, JM... I love the alliteration of silvered shimmering and aching absence... and the internal rhyme is superb. This flows very well. But you know me... format means nothing if I don't feel. *G* And the ache of your last line would have been enough to pull these heartstrings all on its own. *S* "God I would have given anything ... just to have heard from you" A special day just isn't special when certain people are missing from it... (especially when their absence is their choice)... it's just another day for loneliness. Beautiful work! |
||
|
SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Janet, this hits home with me.....I know all too well how this feels hugs to you..... |
||
|
Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
6/15....me butterfly's birthday.....yep you know I have a big mouth baby...and you know this poem rips my heart apart because...well...because I know...when every moment in time with "them" is etched into our soul and our days fall like rain without notice.....sweetie and your inner rhyme is amazing, you spread your wings in this one...why is it that pain makes the poetry grow...one of those little ironies in life that just "is" only you could be this groovy and this deep all in one poem...and that my sweet sis is why you are amazing!! ~angel wing hugs and butterfly kisses~ |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Thank you EACH and EVERY ONE of you for these encouraging and accepting replies.. Thank you for letting me know my words effect you and for letting me know you see both the work that went into the poem, be it the rhyme,imagery,alliterations, and also the impact of the emotions. For anyone who actually finds time to come back and read the thank yous in this MUCH too busy forum... I am still having comp probs and replying is greatly hindered...I KNOW Im missing a lot of wonderful writing... please know Im reading even if I cant reply. thank you always love to Poetry Land jm We're all feeding our lonely like it might go away, |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
*sigh* a year later and still the moth thank you my friend for the note about this one. your wise eyes saw between the lines. You ... |
||
|
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Hey Jams I don't know the specifics of this poems origin but I damn sure know the ache! Forgetting all I'm lacking |
||
|
Soleil Noir Senior Member
since 2001-12-19
Posts 688USA |
Second reads are as powerful as the first reads... |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
geez, this tore me up...last lines just get me |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
